Your Nervous System is Capping Your Success on Purpose

The weirdest part of growth is how often it comes with a snap-back. You finally get traction, you feel momentum, you start to believe it is working and then the car repair hits, the sugar cravings roar back, or date night turns into the biggest fight you have had in years. We call that the subconscious thermostat: an internal set point that keeps your identity, your habits, and your nervous system anchored to what feels normal.

We unpack why it feels like self-sabotage from the outside, but is often your nervous system doing its core job: keeping you safe. The problem is that “safe” usually means familiar, not best. 

Bart shares a vivid dream about being in a kennel, stepping into bigger rooms, and panicking even while everything is opening up. That image becomes a roadmap for understanding comfort zones, identity limits, and the very real grief that can come with an identity death when an old version of you has to fall away.

Then we get practical with STEP: Say it, Think it, Expand by one degree, Practice it. We share the Gay Hendricks mantra from The Big Leap, how to thank the protective part of you instead of fighting it, and why repetition builds the proof your body needs to normalize a bigger life. 

If you are working on mindset, nervous system regulation, personal growth, or breaking long-running patterns in money, relationships, and health, this conversation will give you language and steps you can use today.

Subscribe for more, share this with someone who keeps getting pulled back to baseline, and leave a review so more people can find the tools to expand one degree at a time.

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Transcript

Welcome And The Big Question

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to We Playful Out with Barton Sonny Miller. Ah man, we've got an exciting episode coming your way today. Take it away, Sonny.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Thank you, Bart. It is so good to be back in the podcast studio and having a conversation with you. It's been a bit.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Amen. I'm so excited about it.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Yeah.

What A Subconscious Thermostat Does

SPEAKER_00 0:18

So today's topic's pretty fun for me. It is about a subconscious thermostat. Now, if you've ever tried to uplevel your income, your health, or your relationships, you've experienced it even if you don't have a name for it.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

That's a fact.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Yeah. So there really is a force inside us that works to keep us steady at our current level of identity. Just like a thermostat holds a room at whatever temperature it's set to, our subconscious holds us at whatever it has decided is normal for us. And what happens when we try to push past that?

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Well, I think we all know by just listening to what you're saying, we get stuck, and just like a thermostat, it hits 70 degrees, boom, shuts off, brings it back down. And then, you know, if it gets lower, then it brings it back up, right? So it just keeps us right at that team.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Which is kind of nice in one way, because if we go lower, we do have a force working to bring us back up.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

But when we try to expand into anything, like I said, health, wealth, or relationships, and uh we get sabotaged.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Yeah. And what's cool is in, and I think it's cool, but I mean it's not cool sometimes, I guess. But when that thermostat is stuck, it's interesting because it affects all of them. It affects everything in life. And I think that's something that we need to be really pay attention to because let's say our finances are growing, and then we get to this point where it's like, oh my, we're crushing it, then something happens in a relationship. Boom, it brings it back down. Right? It can be all these things, these dynamics, but whatever it takes in the subconscious, it will, and I don't want to use the word sabotage, but it will bring you back down to that unless you understand what is going on.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yeah, sabotage isn't a great word, and we'll get into more about what it actually is trying to do for us. But on the outside, looking in, it certainly feels like sabotage. Yeah, right.

The Snap-Back In Money Love Health

SPEAKER_00 2:11

So kind of, you know, if you're kind of still wondering a little bit about this, so examples.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Maybe you landed a new client. Right. Or all of a sudden you're making more money than you've ever made in your life. Then all of a sudden the dishwasher goes out, or your car needs repairs, or some something happens to where that money that you got is no longer in your life anymore.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Another one would be maybe you have been working on your relationship and all of a sudden you are just happier than you've ever been in years. And then date night comes and you have a knockout, drag out fight worse than you've had in years, and it takes a long time to recover from that one.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

No kidding.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Um you finally get traction, maybe on a new weight of eating. You start to feel good in your body, and then all of a sudden, those sugar cravings start hitting like crazy. You find yourself eating junk food over the weekend when you've been eating so clean, and your entire calorie deficit that you've been building is gone in a flash. And sometimes we even go further down, you know, it's not just baseline. Right. So those are just some ideas and examples, so you can kind of get in your head what this subconscious thermostat is all about. So I think that, you know, when you step back and look at that, you go, okay, well, all right. So I have a subconscious thermostat, but it's subconscious.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

So what in the world can I do about it?

SPEAKER_01 3:41

Yeah. So

Spotting Patterns And Hidden Code

SPEAKER_01 3:42

one of the biggest things that I try to really get across in this section here is patterns. What is the pattern, or we like to call it in our program the code? What is the code that's operating? And there's always a pattern of some sort that is operating that has come from a belief of something inside. Now, is it easy to identify that? The answer is no. There's a process that you need to go through to identify this. But when you identify it, what's amazing is then you've actually got the dirty code or the bad code, or you've got the pattern that you need to switch. And that's when breakthroughs happen like you've never seen before.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Absolutely. So subconscious programming, subconscious codes, what you're saying is they show up as patterns in your life. And that's how you can determine what code you're running.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Well, and it's exactly like if you watch coding, there's a pattern to the code, and when a pattern gets off, it's instantly chaos.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

It sure is. I can attest to that. Shout out to all you Replit users. Just kidding. Um, or actual programmers. Right. All right, so back to what this thing actually is and what it's trying to do. It is not trying to sabotage us. No. And you had a dream um as we were leading into our I Do Epic Live event, which was off the charts, by the way. Please go to bartonsunny.com and check out when our next event is going to be get on the wait list. Because it was incredible.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

It was incredible.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

And we dive into a lot about these codes that we're talking about and how we can make breakthroughs in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Well, one of our biggest gifts, Sonny, and we know this is that we're able to see these patterns in other people and other couples, relationships, things like that, ourselves. And that's what's helped us be majorly successful. And what I've never actually, you know, talked a lot about is that, you know, people will hire coders to fix code in their programming all day long, but they don't hire programmers for themselves and in their code to fix it. And that's what you and I do. We literally are able to jump into your code, look at your code, and help you understand the code if you're willing to. And when I say willing to, it's because a lot of times in the code, you'll find that there's code bedded in there of resistance. And that's not mine, and that's really not true. But when you're able to humble yourself and literally let somebody dive into you and look at your code, they can truly help you see the patterns and help you recode and architect your life by design. And that's what our mastery has really been in our entire career. And that's what you got to look at is all these different patterns, codes, things like that in business, in life, relationship, everywhere. So,

The Kennel Dream And Expansion

SPEAKER_01 6:24

in that, yes, I had an amazing dream. And that dream was very timely for me because I really had the dream, and then I was sitting downstairs with Sunny, having a cup of coffee, and I'm like, Sonny, you will not believe the dream I had last night. And she's like, Well, tell it to me. And I'm like, I don't fully understand it. So we went through the dream, and Sonny really helped me understand the code of the dream, which was very beautiful. So the dream was I was uh laying there, and then all of a sudden, boom, I saw myself in a kennel. And I know you're imagined, no, really, it was a dog kennel, and I felt so safe, and I was like, oh man, I'm at home. Things are okay. And as that dream went on, all of a sudden the door opened on the kennel, and I was able to escape the kennel if I wanted to. And my nervous and I was like, whoa, like, I don't know if I dare go out. Like, I'm safe here. This is where I need to be. So I started to peek my head out thinking, Am I gonna get chopped off? What's gonna happen? And then all of a sudden I was like, it's just a bigger room. And I was like, wow, this is kind of weird. And so I started to, it took me time, but I got outside of that and I found myself in a different room. But I knew the kennel was there and I knew my safety was there. So I was really watching that kennel to make sure it didn't disappear. And as I sat there in this bigger room, all of a sudden my nervous system started to relax, but something inside of me still wanted to go back to that kennel. And I was like, no, I mean, why would I want to go back to that kennel when I'm I'm expanding so much right now? And so then this went on and the kennel actually disappeared. And I was okay with that because I was in this environment. I'd been in it enough that I felt safe. Then all of a sudden, that kennel opened up into a bigger room, and I was like, whoa, this is incredible. Went through the same things, but in a different way because I'd been through it once, I'd experienced it once, it was faster for me. And then that opened up into the world, and then I was like, everything's available to me. Oh my gosh. And then I was in freak out mode all over again, trying to understand what had happened. And Sunny brought to my attention as I went through this, she's like, Bart, that means that you were actually expanding. Your nervous system was relaxing, and then all of a sudden, you saw that everything you've been working on all these years were just unlocked for you to walk into this amazing world and have your nervous system be okay with it and really have this expansion. And I was so grateful for that moment. We actually shared it while we were at our event. And it was a beautiful, and there's more to the story, and I'm sure Sonny will expand on some of the things, but it was just a great, great thing for me to know that the work that Sonny and I building code 1111.app and doing all these things, though, you know, it's hard and it's hard to get out of that little kennel thinking I was okay. That was my home. I didn't need any more in my mind. And then all of a sudden it was no, yes, you do. And not only do you, but you deserve it. And I was like, I deserve it? What? No way. And then all of a sudden that came out, and it was such a beautiful experience for me to go through that experience in my body, in my mind, and then to share it with my queen and have her literally help me get a grasp on it.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Beautiful. Thank you so much. Um, such a great dream, honestly. Such a beautiful dream, and I loved having that discussion with you and discussing it now.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

Yeah.

Familiarity Safety And Identity Death

SPEAKER_00 9:46

So kind of to break it down a little what Bart's saying is, you know, you look at the the Kennel you, and that was an identity.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

It was totally an identity.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

And it was obviously also in a cage. Yep. And it was comfortable, but it was still a cage. And that's kind of like we're going back to the subconscious thermostat, right? So we have an identity, and it's a version of us that's learned to survive in a certain amount of space. We have a certain amount of success, we have a certain amount of freedom, we have a certain amount of love, certain amount of visibility. It's everything that your nervous system has decided is safe. And again, it's not like you were uncomfortable in that moment, right? You were safe. But then there's the expansion, and then there's the, oh, am I safe? Is this familiar? Is this okay for me? And that's what happens is we try to expand past our current identity levels. And the thing I think that most people kind of miss or misunderstand is that the nervous system doesn't choose what's best for us, it chooses what's familiar. And what's familiar in our lives isn't always actually a good thing. I mean, they've done studies on people maybe who've come from abusive situations or families or you know, some of the tougher things. And the reason those patterns, again, keep repeating in their lives is because that's what's familiar to them. That's the code, which means that's how their nervous system feels safe in in the weirdest way, right? Right. But even then, so when the door opens, even when more life becomes available, even when we genuinely want the expansion and the freedom and the intimacy and the impact, there's still a part of us that just wants to crawl back into the cage.

unknown 11:23

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Again, because it was known. So, you know, here we are, we're high performers, we're just people, we're going along in our world, we we want a bigger life. And we mean it. We say we do, we set goals, we work towards them, but then when it starts to show up, it's the nervous system saying, Is this safe? Can I handle this? Who am I without the old version of me? What or who will I lose if I actually become free?

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Right?

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

And you know, I've been yeah, I mean, I've listened to motivational speakers and I've heard like the pitches and the closes. And I'm not gonna say that I haven't used some of these things myself where we kind of say, Oh, people just want to stay in their comfort zones and they're too scared to get out of them. And you know, we kind of like lean into that as like join this bigger thing and be a bigger person, but it it really is a scary thing because it it usually requires an identity death.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

And that I'm not gonna make light of that. Like, that is a hard thing to go through. It's worth it.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Well, and they don't coach you through what an identity death is.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

By this tactic, by this strategy, right? Then then what?

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Right. Yeah, and then you try to step in the identity, you walk in the room, you all of a sudden feel insecure. I I'm not enough. Why did I join this? Oh my gosh, these people are way bigger than I am. You know, all the things start going through your head. Yeah, but you're like, I already bought it, so I'm gonna stay in it, and I'm gonna force myself to do this. And then when we don't have success, what happens? We go right back to the old code. We either blame the program, we blame ourselves, we start the blame game.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

You start the spiral of shame and why can't I do this? Why am I not good enough? Am I not smart enough? Am I not da-da-da-da-da?

SPEAKER_01 13:01

Yeah, instead of really understanding that when I buy this, I have to step into a new identity, I have to face the old code, and that is that is the really important part. And if they taught us more of that, then all of a sudden I think all humanity we expand faster.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Yeah. Because another thing with the comfort zone is like people, I I don't necessarily like, yeah, we try to step out of it. That's what I'm trying to say. We try to step out of it, but because this thermostat pulls us back, it gets exhausting to keep trying. Right. And I think that's why some people finally say, you know what, enough is enough. I'm happy with my life the way it is, and I'm just gonna keep going this way.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

But it doesn't have to be that way.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

That's what's exciting about actually the thermostat. Um, it's never really about money or discipline or willpower. Again, it's just your nervous system deciding how much life it believes you can survive. And this I really like this analogy of like picture a young mother watching her toddler in the yard. Every time the child wanders towards the road, towards a creek, maybe towards an unfamiliar dog, she's gonna scoop him up and bring him back to safety. Um, she has to because he can't yet tell what will hurt him. Now, years later, the same road and creek and dog aren't a threat anymore, and she's no longer gonna be there hovering and making sure the child's okay. Nothing about the world changed, hated. He grew, he proved he could handle it, and her vigilance relaxed to match. That's our nervous system. It's like this beautiful system designed to keep us safe. It's our mother who wants to make sure that we're gonna be okay and that we can survive. Um, sometimes the problem with this is that without uncovering these codes and these patterns and things, we haven't proved to our nervous system that we're capable of handling more.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

Exactly right.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

And that's where expansion lies. It's in this this idea that we've got to show our nervous system repeated evidence that we can step into more and we can survive it, that we can expand to hold it.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yep. So good. Such a great analogy.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

And you know, you think about the word normalizing, and that's kind of it. It's like I can normalize becoming this next level. And so we're gonna talk about

STEP Method To Expand Safely

SPEAKER_00 15:05

some steps. Okay. Steps into expansion. We're gonna use the acronym STEP STEP.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Let's go! Isn't that exciting? I love it.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

So let's talk, let's talk about how to give our nervous system this evidence so that we can actually make progress and make breakthroughs and not stay in the same loop or kind of give up on what we actually want to achieve in life. First one is just to say it. Give your nervous system new language to live inside. Now we love this ultimate, I think it's the universal success mantra by Gay Hendricks and The Big Leap. And it's worth saying out loud several times a day until it's louder than the old story. Are you ready for this mantra? Let's okay. I expand in abundance success and love every day as I inspire those around me to do the same. Just say it, feel it in your body, think about it, just repeat it multiple times a day.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Um, when you do this, you're not just repeating words, you're telling your body what the new setting is. So you're trying to set that thermostat to a different set point. Uh think it. And whenever the pattern keeps pulling you back toward the kennel, because the kennel's there, at some point it did keep you alive. Don't fight it. Put a hand on your chest and say, Thank you for protecting me. I've got it from here.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

Yep. And I think the mantra, I am sorry, please forgive me. Thank you is such a great mantra to say right here in the thinking process. And we know that that's another proven mantra to create success. Uh hono ponel prayer.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

I always say it wrong. Hono pono prayer. Look it up if you don't know it. Uh use it. Uh you know, if you think about trying to, you know, bend bars to get out of something and do it by force, probably not gonna happen. It's gratitude. Gratitude will release what force only tightens up. Amen. So we've got say it and think it. Next is expand by one degree. Don't try to blow the kennel apart in a day because that's the surest way to trigger the snap back. Just turn the thermostat up a single degree. Ask what does one degree of expansion look like right now? And you know, let the answer be small enough that your system can actually hold it. That sounds small and it sounds tiny, and it's like high performers and high, you know, we're 10xing everything. No, in this instant, we we are safe. We need to be safe and we're gonna expand. And it will be I it's not like you're just gonna be one degree the whole time. I think it will really open up once you start.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Amen. Yeah, and I found that in cycling, you know, like I wanted to be with the faster group, wanted to do this, I wanted to do that, right? We always have these goals. So all I would do is once a week, I'm gonna start off with these guys. When I get dropped, I get dropped, but I'm just gonna see how much further I can make it to make my my belief, my structure know that I am capable of doing these things and accepting this challenge.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Yep. And we talked about this on stage, and possibly you've talked about it here before, but um me, my body, I was always a little bit terrified, didn't have the best body image. And um, you know, I go to the gym and all the girls are wearing their their leggings and their sports bras, and I could never do that. Yeah, we would be out on walks together, and I I could not like I had to hide myself for some reason. And I told you, hey, like I want to be more in my body, I want to love myself more, I want to be seen. Yep. And so I would go to our local walking path, and I started just to take my shirt off. I still had my sports bra on, and I literally couldn't even do it when people were around.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

But I was outside, yep, and I would go maybe a hundred yards and throw my shirt back on.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

One percent.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

That's just one degree of expansion um that that normalizes things, calms your nervous system down, lets you know you're safe and you're ready for more once you feel safe in that environment.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

So good.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Next one is to practice it. So, okay, so yeah, that's both of them combined. So first we talked about one degree and then practice it. So just one degree every day. This is where the proof gets built. It's not in the insight, but in the repetition. You stay, you act, you survive it, and you get up and do it again tomorrow. And that's how the unfamiliar quietly becomes your new home, your bigger room.

unknown 19:19

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Until you enter the world.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

That's right. So do this long enough, and the bigger space stops feeling like a risk and starts feeling like you. That is how the thermostat finally moves, not by force, but by proof.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

Yes, uh, so good.

Final Thoughts And How To Start

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Um, so I guess really final thoughts would be you're never you're not actually gonna probably feel safe before you expand. And again, I think it's worth kind of taking sometimes some moments to depends on what you're expanding into. Sometimes we talked about the identity death, sometimes it takes a little bit of grieving and of allowing and of letting that emotion run through you as you step into something bigger.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

But it's it can be a beautiful process if you let it be.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yeah, and if you want somebody to help you along the journey, I mean, or you want somebody to help you look at your code, look at your feelings, look at the different things. One of the things that we have out there, if you go to uh bartonsonny.com or you go to code1111.app, you're able to look on there, and we have an actual North Star that you can go take a quiz on, and it'll kind of give you some ideas of where you're at in different categories and things like that. Then if you want to expand further, feel free to reach out. We've got you. This is what we do, this is what we specialize on. We have a mission. We are on a mission to help humanity to understand their code, see their code, and uh architect their life by design. And we want you to be part of that mission, no matter how you want to be part of it. So we love you, we're grateful for you, the listener. We ask the if this is helpful for somebody else. Please share it, please let somebody else. I mean, it only takes you a second to reach down there, share it to somebody else, see what they thought, what their thoughts are, and uh help us expand this podcast to the world and our mission to the world.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

One degree at a time.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Let's go. All right. So, this segment brought to you by Bart and Sunny.com.