We Play Full Out with Bart and Sunny

You Don’t Rise To Goals; You Return To Identity

• Bart and Sunny Miller • Season 1 • Episode 99

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Tired of feeling behind by mid-January even with a clean plan and big motivation? We pull back the curtain on why goals stall and show how to change the system underneath them: identity. Not your job title or personality, but the role you default to under pressure, the rules you follow when no one’s watching, and the way you relate to life. When that stays unconscious, it decides what feels possible, allowed, or dangerous...and quietly pulls you back to familiar outcomes.

We talk through the difference between planning tasks, planning outcomes, and choosing identity plus experience. You’ll hear how mentors and family shape the identities we inherit, why “try harder” fails when your nervous system still treats success as unfamiliar, and how simple permission to redefine yourself unlocks momentum. From a team roper in shorts and sneakers who rejects the cowboy costume to a bodybuilding story about training like the person you’re becoming, we map the shift from “I hope” to “I am.”

Then we make it practical. We share scripts for selecting a present-tense identity, curating environments and social circles that normalize your new standards, and pre-deciding actions so discipline feels like expression instead of grind. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s early choices illustrate the point: when identity leads, consistency becomes natural because it matches who you believe you are. The mantra we land on is simple and sharp: you don’t rise to your goals; you return to your identity. Choose it on purpose, and let your experience (and results) catch up.

If this resonated, share it with someone rewriting their year, subscribe for more identity-first strategies, and drop us a review so we can reach more people. What identity are you choosing next?

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SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to We Play Full Out with Barton Sonny Miller, where we take you on our life adventures and play out life with you. Let's go. Take it away, Sonny.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you, Barton. Really like how you said that. So good. Let's go on an adventure today. Okay. I feel like it's January like 16th today. Already feels like we're in the middle of the year for some reason to me.

SPEAKER_01:

Time is flying fast.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And as I sit here and think about what we are going to talk about today, we're still in January planning mode, really.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Which blows my mind.

SPEAKER_01:

It's pretty amazing. And I find in January, what's interesting is that we have so much relief because December's past and like all those stresses, I mean, the taxes, everything's gone. And we try to plan in December, right? And we do a good job of it. Yeah. But then January hits and we're like, oh, I need just a tiny bit of break because I'm worn out. And then all of a sudden we look up and we go, Oh my gosh, it's the 16th and I'm already failing on my goals. And it's like, how did that happen? You know? It's exhausting. It's exhausting.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, we've been on kind of the whole new year, fresh start. What do you really want trained since December? Like you just said, you know, as we've talked about things here. And it's kind of one of those things where like another newsletter or podcast about planning my year, really. Right. But here's the thing like we've talked about the missed opportunities, the hesitation tax, the old year energy, the patterns that keep repeating. And I think it's important to note just because there's actually a reason all that keeps happening. And it actually happens in our planning time.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And I sat down uh before the end of the year and with you, and we talked about this a little bit, but it was like I sat down and I was like, okay, what are our outcomes going to be for the year? Not what are our goals? Like, what's the result that it's going to be? But it's actually backwards to do it that way. So most people plan tasks, high performers plan outcomes, but visionaries plan identity plus experience. So what you really want to do is identity plus experience, and everything else kind of falls into place. Um, the order really does matter because if you skip identity, then you're unconsciously going to recreate those old patterns. You know, the self-sabotage and the exhaustion and the trying to hit things. Even if you have really exciting new goals that you are super excited about. So first I kind of want to dive into a few common misconceptions about identity. When you hear identity before you really started learning about identity, what did you think identity is or was?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's actually a really good question. And I I don't know I've ever really thought about it. And I think back then I thought it was me and reconstructing me. Like I was the identity, and I was working on it in first person instead of working on it in second person and allowing myself to be and feel something else. So I I was taking on all the pressure, all the things, because it was my identity. Um I'm being attacked, I'm this, whatever it might be, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

When I started to learn about identity, that's the worst way to go about identity. And so that was some big aha moments for me to unlock a lot of things inside myself and get out of the loops that I was in. Because anyway, I don't know where, you know, I don't want to get too far into it, but my I was looking at it as me, fixing me. I've got to heal, I've got to do this, and it's got to take this much time, but I want it to be faster. But it was all about me and who I was.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that. One of my favorite statements that we say is identity is a tool, not the truth.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

And we do have a tendency to think, well, that's just who I am. Yep. And therefore, like you said, I've got to fix me, I've got to take this on, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. When really it's something we get to create. Yep. So identity is not your personality, it's not your job title, it's not your brand or your aspirations. Identity is the role you unconsciously default to under pressure. The version of you that makes decisions when no one is watching, and the internal rules you live by. So identity is really how you relate to life. So when we step back and look at that and go, okay, what does this have to do with goal planning? Your identity is answering three questions before you ever even try to make a goal or a plan. And of course, you are not conscious of this, probably. One is what feels possible, what is allowed, and what feels dangerous. Now, if your identity stays unconscious, it will automatically filter your goals, sabotage unfamiliar success, and pull you back to what feels known, not what's true.

SPEAKER_01:

Can I also add to that? It might be what you were mentored. So let me give you an example. So when I was in my identity, I would, I don't know about crisis, but really looking at my identity, I really sat and thought, how did I create the original identity? And lo and behold, I saw my father in a I won't say confrontation, but in a very um, I don't know, high, high, like uh we'll just use it as confrontation because of some different things that they were talking about.

SPEAKER_00:

Like a heightened state.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, heightened state. It wasn't like they were getting in a fist fight, but it was just the way, and I remember watching that in my mind and going, that is me. That's exactly how I facial features, everything. I learned that identity from my mentor. And now that we have a grandbaby, oh man, I watch my grandbaby on things that I do, and I literally watch her mimic me, and I'm going, I'm creating what she will believe as her own identity, but how did she get it? How did she become that identity? You know what I mean? And it really made me, it really sunk home to me of like my identity or my personality, my personal reality, or whatever I think it is, right, was created just like I got beliefs. And it started to be installed in me from a very young age of how we interact in these categories and how we look at them. So that was a big aha moment. I just wanted to share that with you. So if you're if you're having an identity crisis, it may not even be your crisis. It may be the crisis you created because of who you were mentored by to believe that was your identity, not to get on, you know, crazy, but think about that for a second. And that might help you with as you create your goals, as you're doing things, as you're stepping in to the things that you really want.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I love that you brought that up because I think sometimes we need permission to create our own identity.

SPEAKER_01:

Amen to that.

SPEAKER_00:

And you know, when we're taught by our mentors at a very young age who we are and maybe even what we should believe or how we should react again, how we should relate to life, when we step out of that, it can, that's when that identity crisis hits, right? And sometimes we just need permission to say, no, you get to create your life, you get to create your identity.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And I and I think it's important that you go revisit some of these things because if you had a parent that said, for example, you need to dress this way, that's your identity. If you you need to have your hair this way, that's your identity. You need to speak properly this way, that's your, you know, there's so many things to our identity that we don't even we don't even sit back and take a look at of how was my identity actually designed without me even knowing I was creating my identity.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I would say it doesn't even have to be vocalized. It's like if you were praised.

SPEAKER_01:

100%. Or or just like me watching it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You you learn so much just by being around people and what they do and how they interact, and that becomes part of you because it it worked for them, it's gonna work for me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And I was just kind of saying, like, if you're praised for wearing certain clothes and um can't think of the word, not praise for wearing others, you know, all the things you're just relating and you're reacting and you're figuring out, you know, kind of what works for everybody around you. Right. You know, survival.

SPEAKER_01:

How do I live amongst the people?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Okay. Well, as far as goal setting goes, again, if you try to set a good goal, but you're unconscious about your identity and what it's doing, it you're you're kind of trying to execute those from an old operating system. Which is why it's so difficult to stick to a goal even when you have an enormous amount of willpower and motivation. And I love where we're going next because we're going to talk about upgrading your identity to match your goals and the life that you want to live.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Can I give you another just quick example? Sorry if you want to rant, but I uh I bought one of the most amazing horses from a guy named Steve Young, and it's not the famous football player. But anyway, his name was Steve Young. And I will never forget a conversation that we had because at that time I was starting to look at identity a lot. Now, this guy, just so we're on the same page, does not fit the traditional identity that you would call a cowboy.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

And so I was like confused because he trained amazing horses. This guy ropes like a boss. I mean, he is phenomenal. But when he walks out to the arena, he's in his tennis shoes, his shorts, and a tank top.

SPEAKER_00:

Very unusual.

SPEAKER_01:

Now, this is not even remotely what a cowboy, right? And so he was telling me a story, and this is what was interesting in the story. And it was like, wow, wow, this was a ha-ha moment for me. So I'm just sharing it with you. He said, This guy walked up to me because I roped in one of the ropings in my uh my tennis shoes and my shorts and in my and he walked up and he goes, You ain't no cowboy. And he goes, You're right, mother effer. I'm a team roper. And I was like, Okay. He doesn't relate now, he does and he doesn't. I'm just just trying to give you an example though. His identity wasn't based on a cowboy, it was based that he was a team roper. And team ropers can do whatever they want. That identity shift that he made for himself to take the ridicule, to take the the unnormal, to take everything, was like so profound to me. Because I was like, wow. Yet we all do the same thing. But I classify myself as a cowboy and a team roper.

SPEAKER_00:

I was gonna say most team ropers probably also classify themselves as cowboys if he didn't.

SPEAKER_01:

And that's a big deal.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Right? Because that's part of the cult sure, right? Yeah. That I am a team rope, but I'm really a cowboy.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

For him, I don't have to be a cowboy to be a team roper. I'm a freaking team roper, and we do whatever we want. And I just that identity re-re uh how to how to position that was so powerful for me because then I could be like, no, I'm a cowboy. I just happen to be an internet marketer. Take that. You know, like you're not an internet marketer. You're right, I'm a cowboy. But I just happen to, you know, or whatever it might be. But you know, it's just funny how we can shift these big things if we want to and have such great results with them.

SPEAKER_00:

And again, it kind of comes down to that permission piece of like, oh, I can do that. Somebody else is doing it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. You know, totally.

SPEAKER_00:

Really cool. Okay, so upgrading your identity, it's all about intentionally choosing to embody the identity of the person who is living the life you want to live right now. A lot of people call that living from your future self. Um, and you know, as we've studied identity and have kind of gone down that rabbit hole quite a ways, we find that hyper-successful people live from their future selves. They don't live in their current identities.

SPEAKER_01:

And they talk to their future selves.

SPEAKER_00:

So what they're really saying is again that they didn't wait for permission to become someone new. Yep. They chose an identity first and then let their experiences, decisions, and strategies organize around that identity. So they weren't trying to simply reach new goals or become someone new or different through those goals. They were expressing who they had already decided to be. Yep. Now, one of my favorite examples is you in this category. When you first started bodybuilding, and and you're bold to say this, you didn't have the body you wanted.

SPEAKER_01:

Nope.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, maybe even a little bit of a belly, not a huge one. And you would still go to the gym and have your shirt off and lift like it was no big deal. And you know, at the time I was very much a cover-up person, and it astonished me. I'm like, how do you have the confidence to do that? And you're like, well, it's easy. I know where I'm going. Like, I'm not here. I know where I'm gonna be. That is living from your future self.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Blew my mind. It's like Hank Angel always says, you know, hello Hank. Yeah, Hank, if you're listening out there, brother. But it's like he he just it's like sometimes when I would show up that way, it was like, I want you to see the before.

SPEAKER_00:

That's cool.

SPEAKER_01:

I want you to see the before.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because then when you see the after, you're like, wow. You know, and it's like we're so afraid to have the before.

SPEAKER_00:

In all categories of life.

SPEAKER_01:

Everything. And that's what I love about Hank is he doesn't care about the before.

SPEAKER_00:

No, he doesn't.

SPEAKER_01:

He just doesn't. He just leans into it and says, Let's freaking go. Because when you see the after, you're gonna be sitting there going, wow. They went from here to here, and they didn't even care along the way. Because we already know where we're headed. I already knew the body I was gonna have.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So let people laugh because the last laugh is gonna be on them because I'm not judging where I'm going. I know where I'm going. So here you go.

SPEAKER_00:

Love it.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, and I think even when I started cycling, I didn't care about my before. I just knew I was gonna win races. I knew I was gonna do it, and I knew what I had to do to get there, and let's go. Game on. But you might as well see me in the raw form because here I am.

SPEAKER_00:

Here I am.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's really crazy. And you know, I watched a video today that was also really profound on this, and he says, This was a guy that had nothing, absolutely, literally nothing. And the kid walked up to kind of just put this through the test, and he's very wealthy, but he dressed down and did all these things, and this uh elderly man handed him some food, and the guy goes, Um, he asked him a lot of questions. And uh the the young the guy that was doing this little experiment looked at this guy and he said, I'm so sorry for asking so many questions. And this elderly man said something so profound, he goes, Why would you be sorry about asking questions? That's the only way you learn. It's the only way you learn. Like, if you don't ask the question, you can't learn. And I was like, Wow. And this young kid looked at him like okay. And then he asked him a couple more questions. Anyway, and then and then he it was the he finished out the experiment. But it was just so cool that this guy who literally had nothing was being asked these like really like I don't know, like invasive questions of, you know, where do you live? How do you live? How do you make this happen? What's going on in your life? Like all the things that we very invasive, not just yeah, and this guy was dirt, dirt poor, right? And he goes, Well, I'm so sorry for asking all these. And he's just like, No, no, no, no. You need to learn what my life was like so that you don't repeat the same pattern. It's good. Ask the questions.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So good. Okay, well, I'm gonna bring up an example of a celebrity that's very well known as living from a future self, even though we already talked about the celebrity named Bart. We'll take another bodybuilder. Let's look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. Um, he's kind of a classic example of living from your future self. 100%. Long before he had fame, money, or could even speak fluent English, he had decided that he was going to be a bodybuilder and a movie star. And as a young man growing up in Austria, with very little external validation, he wasn't walking around saying, one day I hope to be successful. And he didn't think about or focus on his current circumstances, I would assume. He was walking around with the internal choice of being a champion, a man destined for greatness, and not as a motivational trick, but as a decision. Because of that identity identity choice, everything he did was what a world-famous bodybuilder and movie star would do. Training didn't feel like a grind, and sacrifice didn't feel like deprivation. They felt aligned. That's what I was kind of saying earlier when you have identity plus experience. Because when you have identity, your experience changes. Yep. Like if I'm just going to the gym to go to the gym, it's going to be a grind. It's going to be a sacrifice. It's going to be hard. If I'm going because I am a world champion bodybuilder, it's just something that I do. So good. You know? Um now I'm sure he got rejected a lot. I can't remember his whole story, but he just assumed the world simply hadn't caught up yet. You know? His circumstances obviously didn't change overnight, but his experience of them did. And that's what made consistency, discipline, and resilience feel natural instead of forced. So that's what we're talking about here. As you look at your new year, like what is your identity? Because it will shift your experiences, and then you'll get the outcome that you want.

SPEAKER_01:

That's so good.

SPEAKER_00:

Um now when we try, instead of living from our future selves, we focus on copying habits, making vision boards, which are important. I'm not saying they're not, or visualizing outcomes, but we still operating from the same internal rules that created our current reality. So again, focus, focus, focus on identity. Who are you? Yep. What does that look like? What does that identity have in their environment, in their social circle, and their habits, like all of the things start from there?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's so good. And when I when I've done this in my my life, I really look at the identity and then even down to how I dress, how they act, I step into just like playing a role in a movie, that persona, and really look at it as your movie because this is a part of the movie in your life. So when you look at it from above and you rewind it, you're gonna look at that portion and say, Wow, I was able to be the character I wanted in my own movie.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I love that. Okay, I'm gonna leave with this statement then. You don't rise to your goals, you return to who you subconsciously believe yourself to be.

SPEAKER_01:

That's so good. What a great ending. All right. With that, you guys, get out there. Have the best day of your life. Send five gratitude texts if you can today and think about it. Be amazing, Sunny and I'd be so grateful for that. Also, if you feel so inclined, will you give this a five-star review, please? If nothing else, if you don't pass it on, you don't do anything. If we get five-star reviews, it helps the podcast grow and maybe we can touch somebody else.

SPEAKER_00:

I do need to insert here that Bart's birthday is on January 20th. So be sure to send him a birthday text gratitude text or just give him a lot of crap.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, you're awesome. Um, well, with that, this segment brought to you by I Do Epic.

Head Shot

Bart Miller

Host
Head Shot

Sunny Miller

Host