We Play Full Out with Bart and Sunny

The Loop of Your Own Making

• Bart and Sunny Miller • Season 1 • Episode 95

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You know that thing you keep doing? The loop you can't seem to break?

It's 3 AM and you're scrolling through your competitor's website again. Or you're staring at that email draft for the third day. Or you're about to speak up in the meeting but the voice in your head tells you to stay quiet... again.

In this episode, we're getting real about the invisible patterns that are quietly assassinating your potential. Sunny breaks down why your brain is literally addicted to these loops (spoiler: it's not weakness, it's biology). 

We go deep on:

  • Why awareness isn't enough (and what actually breaks the pattern)
  • The physical craving you'll feel when you try to change
  • The 3-step process that actually works (and why it has to be physical, not just mental)
  • Real stories from our mastermind of people breaking loops in real-time

This isn't feel-good fluff. This is the gritty, uncomfortable truth about why you keep playing small and what it takes to finally break free.

If you've ever said "I'll do it tomorrow" and hated yourself for it... this one's for you.

Ready to play full out? Write down “I play full out,” choose one small action this week, and tell us what loop you’re replacing. If this sparked something, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so others can find it too.

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SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to We Play Full Out with Barton Sonny Miller. Take it away, Sonny.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you, Bart. Today we are going to be talking about loops.

SPEAKER_01:

Ooh, like rodeo loops, like the loops I use to team rope and rope calves and I was thinking more like roller coasters. Roller coaster loops. That sounds even funner.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_01:

I love it.

SPEAKER_00:

No, we're not talking about fun loops today.

SPEAKER_01:

We're not?

SPEAKER_00:

No. Oh, okay. So let's say that you're staring at a blank page.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

A project that feels too big, or an email you don't want to send, and a familiar thought creeps in. I'll do it later. I'm not ready.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Sometimes the emotions that come with that are like I don't know, a wave of relief mixed with a dull thud of guilt. But it always reinforces the next thought of like, see, I always procrastinate. I don't have the discipline.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, there's a there's a lot that goes on there, isn't there?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And just like that, you're caught in a loop. Now, I like to think of loops as like subtle, quiet prisons. They're built brick by brick from your own thoughts and feelings.

SPEAKER_01:

I like how you said you're caught in a loop. Just like team. Just like team roping.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, we're talking about team roping. You got this.

SPEAKER_01:

Like I knew this podcast was going to be about the things I love.

SPEAKER_00:

It's true.

SPEAKER_01:

And then all of a sudden it gets tighter and tighter, and you start pulling against the rope, and you're like, can't get out. And you're like, how do I escape?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And if you're around team ropers much, you know that everywhere you go, you're getting caught in loops.

SPEAKER_01:

You might be caught in a double loop.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Um anyway, it's the loop of self-doubt that keeps you from launching. It's the loop of anxiety that makes you rehearse every worst case scenario. It's the loop of resentment that plays an old argument on a continuous cycle. And you know, we talk about this a lot, obviously, because we play full out.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And we're always looking at ways that we can show up and make our own choices, our own decisions, and live life on our terms. Yeah. Um, so we find though that we think we're in control of our lives, but most are living on autopilot because they always have these invisible scripts running that we're just not aware of.

SPEAKER_01:

It's entanglement, right? When you're in a loop, you're entangled in this loop. You don't realize you're in the loop. And anyway, I could just go off on all sorts of analogies, but I really like where you're going with this because there are so many loops that we don't even get to be aware of. That is crazy. And all of a sudden, I remember at one point in my life I felt like I had 20 loops around me. And I was like, where did they all come from? One's around my feet, one's around my, you know, my midsection, one's around my arms, you know, it's like I'm just caught in all these freaking loops at one time. And, you know, I wanted to break them all all at once. I wanted to just cut through them all at one time. And it was like, huh. And when I started, it was harder than I thought. So I hope you got some good answers here.

SPEAKER_00:

I hope so too. And I think the thing that, you know, you kind of have to sit and think about are the loops aren't just moods.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

They create moods.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But they're actually the architects of our reality. They determine what is possible, what actions we take, and ultimately who we become, because they do determine our everyday behaviors and the choices we make.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. It's so true.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a big deal.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, so I'm going to use a, I don't know why, I'm just going to use this analogy, but you know, like team rope and steers, people, if you haven't seen them, like they have horns, they have a head, all these things, right? And what they're the best at after a little while is they catch on really quickly that that loop is going to go on their head. They also catch on that it's going to go on their feet. And the smart ones, which is really crazy because we call them the dumbest steers and they tick us off the most, but they learn how to dip their head. They learn how to duck just low enough that that rope's going to go over the top. They learn that if you do catch them, if they kick their feet a certain way, the loop's not going to go on. And I think what Sonny's getting at here is you've got to be aware when something is trying to trap you in a loop, how to be the smart steer. Now, back when I was in college, they wanted us to rope goats. And if you've never roped a goat before, I'm just going to tell you they are smart and they can duck and dive and move their heads so quickly that they make whoever's trying to snare them or rope them really freaking concentrate. So I want to be a goat when it comes to what Sonny's talking about in these loops.

SPEAKER_00:

You are the goat already, Bart. We all know this.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Well, let's kind of talk about some real world, real world costs of a broken loop because Okay. You know, just help us see ourselves in them, I guess. Okay. So, you know, the the painful cost of not playing full out. Let's say it's 3 a.m. You're an entrepreneur, you're sitting in your office, you're scrolling through your competitor's website for the fifth time this week.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

Your jaw clenches, your stomach churns, the product you've been perfecting for two years, the one that's almost ready, is right there on someone else's site. Oh, yeah. But theirs is live, theirs is making sales. Your mouse hovers over the buy now button. You click, you pay, you're now a customer of the company that should have been competing with you. And you feel like throwing up. Not because their product's better, but because it exists.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

And yours doesn't.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

And then the loop is no longer just in your head. It's in your bank account. It's in investor emails that you can't send. So the way your partner looks at you and you're like, oh, just a few more tweaks.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You know? I mean, it's it's real.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. No, it is so real. So real. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Or you know, um, how about the executive, or you know, maybe you're kind of at a higher level in your company and heart's hammering so hard because and you feel like everybody can hear it. You know the answer, it's right there, screaming to get out, but you don't say anything.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, because you're afraid people are gonna see you right through you or that you don't belong in the room. So you don't say anything, you watch someone else who's less experienced, less prepared, say the thing you're thinking. You watch them get the nod, you watch them get the respect, you watch them get the promotion. Um, and you just like go home and cry in your car before walking in the door because the loop won again. And it's not because you're not capable, it's because you don't believe you are.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that there's a lot to that. I I've done this even going to the gym. You know, I'm like, I'm gonna go today, and then all of a sudden I watch myself give myself excuses why I shouldn't even get in the car. Or I get to the gym and I think, oh, I got 10 more things that I should do, right? And then I watch it in relationship. I watch it to where it's like, oh man, I said I was gonna do this and that and the other, and I was gonna take Sunny on this amazing date and I was gonna plan it all and all the things, but then all of a sudden I'm caught in an old loop of, oh, it's so easy to just tell her I had work to do or that to do, and she'll be fine. Like it's all fine instead of really facing those. And maybe they're not the best examples, but like I think they're good.

SPEAKER_00:

I think they're anything that's like a world, you know, things that we experience in our day-to-day lives is important to just understand and become aware of. Um, I was going to relationships next, like a lot of times we do push away the person we love the most. We test them, we want to know if they really love us. They want, you know, we want them to prove it, but no proof's ever enough because the loop is never about them. It's about the story you've been running since childhood, which is I'm not worthy of being loved. So what happens is we pick another fight, they pull away, and then you create the very abandonment we're all terrified of. And the partner finally leaves, exhausted and heartbroken, and then the loop's right there validating everything, saying, See, I told you you're not worthy. I think the point I'm getting at is that loops are not harmless. They don't just hold you back. They they do kill your dreams. Yeah. They will if you let them, and they will murder your potential before it ever draws death. And they are the reason you will die with your music still in you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so true. Because there's so many times in my life that I I knew if I shoo showed up or else I would really, you know, be clear on all the things that I I knew I wanted to do. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna wreck all this. I'm gonna so I played this loop and I played it for so long when I knew inside of me I've been life coaching since I was 10 years old. I have been helping people through suicidal thoughts. I've been helping people in so many crazy ways, my own.

SPEAKER_00:

Some of the darkest moments you're there with them.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like I've I've done so much in this category, and yet inside of myself, I was just like, but I'm not enough. Or, you know, like I'll do that later. I'm a better business coach. So I'll I'll just do you know, whatever it might be, instead of just facing up of like, you know what, if I really want to help humanity, I've got to dive into what I love, what I study, what I'm passionate about, what I am fascinated with, you know, and then all of a sudden the game started to change.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, for sure. So good. Um the hard truth about loops and our brains is that our brain does not care if a loop is painful, it only cares if it's familiar. Familiar, I can't say that word, familiarity equals safety. That's our wiring, that's biology. Yeah, every time you run a loop, you strengthen the neural pathway, making it easier and more automatic the next time. So, kind of going back to the gym example. Um, with these mental loops, we've been unconsciously going to the gym for years. Instead of building muscle for strength, though, we've been building muscle for self-sabotage, bicep curls for self-criticism, squats of fear, deadlifts of resignation. We've stacked them over and over and over again with intention and authority to the point that we now have very powerful, well-defined mental muscles that fire automatically. Yeah. Which is awesome if we use it the right way. Right, totally. But so devastating when we don't.

SPEAKER_01:

So freaking true. And I think you hit on the key word, and I know we talk about it a lot, but I want to just keep hammering it home to our listener, which is safety, safety, safety. If you're not safe in your body, you're not safe in any way, shape, or form. And that's one of the big things that I talk a lot about when I'm coaching is do you feel safe? And you know what? Most people actually answer yes. But when we dive into it, they're like, um, I didn't realize I was playing this and how unsafe I actually feel. It's just mind-blowing. And you know why it's so mind blowing? Because I went through the same thing. Me too. Yeah, legitimately, I was like, there's no way I'm unsafe. That all of a sudden to find out, I was fighting unsafety so much.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, for sure. And you know, it's really, really, really, really easy to go unconscious. Um, our brain can slide right into this kind of stuff without any conscious thought. Um, but here's kind of the tricky part again about loops is like awareness is the first step for sure, but we can also get caught in these loops of thinking that just by being aware that we are conquering things. It's like, oh, I'm aware of that. Right. But I'm aware of this one, and I'm aware of this one. And we can actually go back and forth on all these different loops of awareness and think that we're making progress, but we're not. Um, you can become aware that you're in a loop, but that's like noticing you're in a riptide while the current is still pulling you out to sea. Awareness without action is just a more conscious form of drowning. And here's the craziest part about all of it is you will crave the loop because your body will physically ache for the familiar hit of that old comfortable misery. Yep. You know, it's like the uh sense of the We're addicted to it, right? Yeah, it's like when you quit sugar, you still want to reach for it. You have headaches, irritability, the way your hand reaches for that candy just on autopilot. Um we're addicted to that. And for some reason, because it's familiar, we want it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

We don't want it, but we want it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's what breaking a mental loop feels like. Except the candy jar is your identity, and eating from it is kind of killing you, you know? So choosing a new path will feel foreign, uncomfortable, and even wrong. How do you like that?

SPEAKER_01:

I've just witnessed it so many times. I see it, but I know exactly what you're saying because anytime I try to change, like when I wanted to become a bodybuilder, dramatic change in my life. You know, there's so many moments of that, but when you choose it, it's funny, like everything freaks out. Everything goes into this is impossible. Everything is like, so I'm like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do it. When reality is, no, that's not true. I should do it, and I know why I need to do it, and then I just got to keep stepping into it, and then all of a sudden it's like boom, I broke it.

SPEAKER_00:

So you're doing the reps, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

Just like going, exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's a lot like wearing someone else's clothes, like you don't feel comfortable in them, and your entire system will fight, just like you said, it will physically fight you to go back to what it knows, and again, it's not weakness, it's biology. Yep. As soon as you have your system fighting for you on the side you want it to fight on, awesome. Like that's the goal, right? Um, but we do need to understand that going in, or we'll think something is wrong when the fight begins for sure. Um I feel like Gary V does a really, really good job of talking about this kind of stuff because he's such a big advocate of just living life out loud and not caring what other people think about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, he really cracks me up in a lot of ways, but he's so good at saying it over and over and over again. So if someone were to look you in the eye and ask you what you would regret if you died tomorrow, what would you say? Like, would you struggle to get the words out because they're too painful? I think for far too many, the answers they would regret all the things they never did. Right. Never sent, never launched, never tried. Not because they weren't capable, but because they were too scared to be seen.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and it's funny, like that's something we all struggle with and we don't realize it. With every human, for some reason, we struggle with being truly, authentically seen because of judgment. Yet if you go into Christianity, you go into all religions and all things, it's like judge thee not. Those that cast the first stone, right? All the things, yet ourselves we're casting stones, we're judging, we're doing all these things, but then we turn around and we don't want that to happen for ourselves. And yet that's the thing that's stifling us is we're so worried about the stones, that all these things. And I think, I mean, I am so guilty of this. Let me be so clear here. I'm I'm all 10 fingers pointing at me right now. So as I talk to you, don't think that I'm not talking to myself. And reminding myself that the more authentic I can be, the more transparent I can be with you, the listener, the more, yes, you may want to judge me. Yes, you may not like the way I think, but at the end of the day, I'm being authentic to myself, and that's that's what I've got to be, and hope that you won't cast a stone and you'll just stay with me and understand. Doesn't mean you gotta change, doesn't mean I have to change, but we can see each other from each other's perspective.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and you know, I think what's crazy is this is across the board humanity. Yes, you know, everybody struggles with this. Yes, they can be, you know, I guess highest status, most beautiful people in the world, like whoever it might be, and they will still be struggling with this. And you know, when uh you brought that up, I was thinking we were watching Dancing with the Stars this last week, and I think her name's Elaine. Um, she's an actress, yeah, and she's I think the oldest one right now competing and doing a good job. But she made the comment of I always play other roles that are not me. And this has been so scary for me because it's me being seen, and I'm scared to be seen. Yeah, it was a cool. I mean, she's got all kinds of accolades, she's been in all kinds of movies, all kinds of TV shows for like 20 years, I want to say, or more. And she still fights this. I'm stepping onto stage and people are gonna see me for me, and I'm scared to death.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's so funny too. Like, as she said that, like I've played all these other roles, and stepping into something else, it kind of bypasses it, right? And we talk about that in our magnetic course.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, which is fascinating too, because like she doesn't like say, I'm gonna be this role while I'm dancing. Right. It's no, I'm I'm me this time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, this time she's being her authentic self, which is kind of cool.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Um, and you know, it's kind of a reality check sometimes that we need in order to break the loop is do we want to be too scared to do what we want to do in life or do we finally want to step into the thing, you know? Not because we ever feel ready, because I don't think anybody does, not because we feel confident, but because we finally understand the loop is destroying us more certainly than any failure ever could.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And I think this is why in our lives, when we find those true friends, they really are true friends because they see us and they allow us to be that person while we're with them. And that's what we love so much and we endear so much, right? And now we got to break that out of our friend group and let the world see us.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, loops are not random, they're fueled by the central story you tell about yourself. So if you kind of step back, take a look at your life, and maybe start to listen to that voice playing inside your head throughout the day, it could be I have to do everything myself. Um, if you have that story, you're gonna find yourself in loops of frustration and exhaustion constantly let down by others. If your story is I'm not worthy of real success, you will find loops of self-sabotage that kick in right before you hit a new level. And maybe you're not even aware, maybe you don't hear the voice, but you notice that you self-sabotage every time you're about to have success. You know, that points to the core story that's running in the background. So you can kind of start to look at the results of your life, like what's happening. If I'm exhausted all the time and people are constantly letting me down, maybe it's because I think I have to do everything myself. You know, really starting to dial in, maybe journal if you need to, at least take some moments for self-reflection to see like what is this pattern that's playing? Um, the story you tell about your life isn't a reflection of your reality, it is the filter through which you create it. We love us some filters.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh your behavior will always align with the identity you've claimed.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and some of us don't even know the identities we've claimed because we haven't taken a second from the observer effect and really just watched our bodies and watched the loops and watch the patterns that we're like not aware of and just made ourselves aware. And boy, when you just make yourself aware, whoo, is that a big difference?

SPEAKER_00:

Yep, for sure. Uh to change the loop, you must be willing to rewrite the story. And yes, that requires looking at the pages you have been avoiding. Turn to the avoidance pages in the chapter of your life story. They're so fun. Yep. Okay, so how to break the loop. It's simple, but again, not easy. So breaking a lifetime of mental habits requires conscious, of course, effort. You gotta be awake. It's about choosing differently one moment at a time until a new choice becomes the new habit. Again, it's like doing reps. You're aware, you're conscious of them, and you choose something different. So, first you've got to acknowledge it without judgment. Because what's the point of judging ourselves? If it's there, it's there. Like we're all human. It's fine. Uh, the moment you feel that familiar tug, just name it. Like, ah, this is the I'm falling behind loop. Whatever it might be, don't fight it, don't shame yourself for it. Just see what it is, which is a well-practice pattern. It's your biology doing its job, right? The moment you name it, you create separation between you and the loop. You are not the loop, you are the person observing it.

SPEAKER_01:

And then you're the player, yeah. Not the NPC.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

Awesome.

SPEAKER_00:

Make a conscious choice and a physical move. This is the critical step. You have to interrupt the pattern with a new action. Don't just try to think your way out of it. We talk about this all the time. Get physical. Stand up, walk to the window, drink a glass of water, splash cold water on your face if you have to. Do 10 jumping jacks, whatever it might be. The physical shift breaks the neurological trance. Your body and brain are one system. Yep. So when you change the body, you disrupt the loop. And then you get to declare a new story. Actively choose a different thought. Replace the loop's narrative with a new declaration. And it might feel like a lie at first. That's okay. Say it anyway, out loud if you can. Um like maybe instead of saying I'm so overwhelmed, try, I am capable of handling this one step at a time. But I have one here for me too, because pickleball is a funny sport. You know, it brings out a lot of shines a light on me and my patterns and things that I experience um quickly. It's it's crazy how that works. But you know, on the court, I have a tendency to beat myself up a lot, or at least I used to, and get frustrated. And it's always like, I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough, I've got to get better, I gotta do better, I gotta do more, you know. And as you say all the time, how you do one thing is how you do everything. How you play a game is how you play life. Yeah, it really is. Yeah. And becoming aware of that and you pointing that out to me, which is always helpful. Um, how I consciously choose a different story now is before I step on the court, I say, I am here to improve, not prove. And then every time I hit a bad shot, it's just like I stop and say, every day and every way, I'm getting better and better and better, you know? Yeah. And I really do. Like, there's times like we walked onto a court last night, two guys like I'm the only girl on the court, and these guys can hit so hard. You can so hard. But instead of looking in that and like feeling defeated, it's just like, no, I deserve to be here too. Like, I'll just play as as the best I can.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and I loved watching you last night too, because there's another loop that sometimes when you're tired and you didn't feel good last night either, right? You weren't you weren't feeling the best, but you still got yourself there. And then when you would step on the court, it was like, you know what? All that pain just goes away. I'm showing up, I'm doing this. And I think that's another really cool aspect of just re-c re-anchoring the loop. Now, a couple things, if you don't mind to share, is and hopefully this will help you, is I've done this a lot with clothing. So, what I do is is like when I was struggling being a better dad, was I would just walk in, change my clothes into the clothes that I felt like I could be a better dad in. And that reset my nervous system at that moment and let me just think about the loop I used to and say, no, in these clothes, this is what I do. I've done this also when I let's say I don't want to go to the gym necessarily, I'll just walk upstairs and change into my gym clothes. And it's like all of a sudden I'm walking around my gym clothes going, what are you doing? Get to the gym. And I I don't know why that's worked for me, but it really works in so many ways. If I if I feel like, uh, tonight I don't really want to rope, I still go change my clothes into those clothes and make myself just take the action of doing one simple thing, which is a change of clothes. And for some reason, that helps me get out of the loop and get into motion of taking that step. So if you find yourself right now in certain loops, take a second, just go change one piece of clothing that signifies something new to you and let that just sit with you because you're gonna look at it and know why you changed it. And the brain goes, and all of a sudden the brain catches on to, oh, you're still wearing that. So therefore, what is going on? And all of a sudden it will change the loop very quickly for you. So, and it that is for me, I should say, not for you. No, I think it's for everybody.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I I think there is an and I can't remember the name of it, but when you do things like that, it signals to your brain, we're doing this, yeah, and it gets on board with you.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and one little action means I did do it. Yeah, right? And so, anyway, I I just find that it's a real fast way to hack things. So I would encourage you today to use clothing, use items, use things like that. Use music, yeah. Use music.

SPEAKER_00:

That's perfect, whatever it might be. Yeah, that works for you. Yeah, do it, do it, do it. Um you know, is it's just one of those things where being human means you're gonna have some loops going on. That's right. And you know, becoming aware of them and really choosing who you want to become uh takes time sometimes, sometimes it's a process, but just keep choosing it every day. You know, some days you'll win, some days the loop will win. That's just the practice. Just show up anyway, just keep going.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, just don't be complacent because I find in so many times in our lives we're okay being okay because it works for some reason. And so we don't demand ourselves to become what we really, really ultimately know lives inside of us that we need to become. We give our power away, we come complacent, we just go, it's okay, it's okay. And reality is deep down inside, it's not okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yep. All right, that's what we got for today.

SPEAKER_01:

Awesome, you guys. I hope that you will uh the listener know that we care about you so much. We're so grateful for you listening to Sunny and I. And as we, you know, learn this information, as we go through it, we're always implementing, we're always trying to play full out in different ways. And we hope that you, as the listener, take the challenge of writing down, I play full out. And then what does that mean to you? How does that define to you? When you listen to this, how do you take one item and put it underneath your list that you're gonna do to tackle playing full out for the week until we come out with a new thing? Then grab one more thing from that podcast and go, okay, this week I'm gonna try this, I'm gonna implement this, and then you can play out, play full out with us on our journey and be part of our journey. We would love that. Now, if this will help somebody else, we encourage you please, please, please pass it on. We know that you, the listener, can make the biggest improvement in this podcast growing and helping other people with some of their struggles at the exact same time. So thank you for listening. And this segment brought to you by I do Epic.

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Bart Miller

Host
Head Shot

Sunny Miller

Host