We Play Full Out with Bart and Sunny

Mindset vs. Erotic Energy: The Two Hidden Keys to Scaling Your Business

• Bart and Sunny Miller • Season 1 • Episode 93

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Everyone talks about mindset as the secret to success, but what if that’s only half the story? In this intimate episode, Bart and Sunny crack open the other hidden key to sustainable scaling: erotic energy.

They explore why high performers hit creative plateaus, how over-reliance on discipline kills desire, and why your nervous system can’t tell the difference between a financial breakthrough and a moment of deep intimacy.

If you’ve ever felt burnt out, disconnected, or “stuck” at your next level, this episode will change the way you think about business, pleasure, and power. Tune in to learn how to fuel both engines...and finally feel alive again.

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SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to We Play Full Out with Barton Sonny Miller. Take it away, Sonny.

SPEAKER_00:

All right. Today we're going to talk about a story we've all been sold.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah. Let's go. I like stories we've been sold on.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, and especially as entrepreneurs.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

We have been told to scale our businesses to reach the next level of impact and income. We just need an unbreakable mindset.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. We've been told a story that mindset is the only thing we've got to have, and that's what we're missing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. You need to think bigger, be more disciplined, and outwork everyone. Let's go. The entire personal development industry is built on this single premise. Your mind is an engine, and if you polish it enough, it will take you anywhere you want to go. But Bart, what if that's only 50% of the equation?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh man, what's the other 50% thing? You really want to know? I do.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, we'll talk about it next week on our podcast. We'll see you all then.

SPEAKER_01:

Show up. Right now we're going to talk about mindset because that's what you guys really want to hear about.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Mindset and tactics. That's right. Tactics, tactics, tactics. Well, what if the very engine you're using to scale is simultaneously draining the secret fuel source you need for the next level?

SPEAKER_01:

I think we don't have their curiosity up enough, but I agree. It's probably draining their tanks.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I'm going to keep going then. What if your relentless focus on mindset is the very thing creating the creative blocks, the relational disconnect, and the soul-crushing exhaustion you feel?

SPEAKER_01:

Hey, been there, done that. Like I think I know where you're going. And uh at the end of the day, I have spent so much not only financial on tactics, so much financial on mindset, that it's like I should be a multi-multi-billionaire. But there was always one thing that just seemed to hold me back just a little bit.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you think people listening are going, hmm, they're going to talk about subconscious programming?

SPEAKER_01:

Probably, because we've talked about it a lot.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but we're not.

SPEAKER_01:

But we're not.

SPEAKER_00:

We're not.

SPEAKER_01:

Sneaky.

SPEAKER_00:

All right. It's time we talked about the second engine. All right. Now let's be clear. First of all, your mindset is critical. The architecture of your thoughts, your identity, and your belief systems is the primary engine of your success. It is what gets you out of bed in the morning and pushes you through the inevitable challenges of what we know and love as entrepreneurship. We are, I would say, champions of this work. Not going to say we don't love mindset. Amen. But mindset alone is not enough. There is a second hidden engine. The most high achievers have been taught to ignore, suppress, or even demonize.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it kind of feels like those mini-bands when they came out that had the hybrid engine in them, and everybody goes like, oh no, I don't want two engines in my car. And then all of a sudden they buy one and they're like, if I'd only known it was possible to drive around for free for so long, I would have bought a hybrid years ago.

SPEAKER_00:

It's kind of like that. All right. Your second engine is your erotic energy.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's go.

SPEAKER_00:

And no, we're not just talking about sex. Erotic energy, and the way we define it in Gateway X, is your life force. It's the raw, untamed energy of creation, desire, play, and the capacity to feel fully, incandescently alive. It's the why behind the what. That's your purpose, baby. Yeah. Think of it this way: your mindset is the powerful, precision, engineered engine of a race car. But your erotic energy is the high octane fuel.

SPEAKER_01:

It's the turbo, baby.

SPEAKER_00:

Have you ever tried to put non-high octane fuel in a race car?

SPEAKER_01:

No, but I've done the opposite. How'd that work out for you? It didn't work out good. But I put high octane fuel in a diesel. Oh. It didn't work out really well.

SPEAKER_00:

Didn't work out.

SPEAKER_01:

No. Had to drop the tank and a lot of stupid, stupid, stupid.

SPEAKER_00:

But did you do it again?

SPEAKER_01:

No.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I'm not going to say I won't ever do it again, but I hope to never do it again.

SPEAKER_00:

So you can have the best engine in the world, but if you're running on low-grade watered down fuel, you'll never reach top speed. You'll just redline the engine and then sit there and wonder why you're not going any faster.

SPEAKER_01:

Even though it's the most beautiful put-together engine ever.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. Well, not gonna work.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

The core conflict for almost every entrepreneur we work with is a battle between two internal archetypes. I love me some archetypes. The CEO and the Muse. The CEO is the part of you that is rewarded by the world. It's hyperlogical, goal-oriented, problem-solving mindset that builds funnels, manages teams, and closes deals. It lives on spreadsheets and thrives on data. Yep. Show me the money, baby.

SPEAKER_01:

Show me the numbers, show me all the different things, show me the spreadsheets, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. However, the muse is the part of you that is the source of your genius. It's the free-flowing, nonlinear. Logical brains do not like nonlinear sensation-based energy of your erotic nature. It lives in the realm of the senses and thrives on play, connection, and unstructured time. You cannot put desire on a spreadsheet. You can't A B test seduction. The moment you try to manage your life force, you will kill it. And I see this in myself a lot, which I'm trying to fix. Well, I don't like the word fix, but change. When you are in CE mode 24-7, you are inadvertently starving, absolutely starving your muse. Yeah. The result isn't just a lackluster sex life, it's a lackluster everything. It shows up as creative blocks, feeling flat or disconnected despite your success, and a partnership that feels more like a business merger than a love affair. In other words, your life starts to lose its color.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And what's interesting about this is we talk about love affair, we talk about relationship, but it puts over in all your business relationships. Everybody you're working with instantly sees this lack. And they're always like, Why don't you go do something? When are you going to do something for yourself? Do you ever take time just for you? And what they're saying is, when are you going to bring back that fun, that creative, that that real spark? And we don't even know sometimes we've lost it because we're so involved in the business and we're so lost in it that we don't even realize we've lost our life force inside of us, even though we we think we have our why, we think we have all these things, and we're working for our why, but we we don't realize that the lights off inside of us. And people get in that energy and are like, When are you gonna be the real you? That real person I used to know. When when are we gonna have fun again?

SPEAKER_00:

Or you're always working.

SPEAKER_01:

You're always working. You you never have time for anything. Or when we go out, you're only thinking about work or you know, those kind of things.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a really interesting point because I would say maybe some people feel very passionate about their why even more than their business.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And um, I could see where that would be easily like the fuel you would want to grab onto and run with.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But there's still this part of you that's crying for something different.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Well, I think it's that thing that we know we're supposed to do, but we don't think we can do it and make money.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Or we get involved in it and then it becomes a job instead of fun. So you you you know, you go after your passion, you're having so much fun, and then it turns into oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00:

I experienced that when I went to college, um, I was a music major, and I found that having to work on it took like the joy out of it for me. Yeah, like I love music more than you know, yeah, than anything. But as soon as like I started having to yeah, work, make it felt more like work than just playing music.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I think there's a fine line in all of it, it's what I'm trying to say. But when that light is gone, that is a major problem. And that's when we start causing health problems. We start we start losing all these great things that makes us us, and uh, we start to get depressed, frustrated, always chasing for something that when we get there, it's not enough.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So how are these two seemingly separate forces, your logical mind and your erotic energy, connected? This is a topic that keeps coming up over and over and over and over again. The answer is the single most important system in your body, which is your nervous system. Surprise, surprise. Your nervous system is the bridge, it regulates both your identity, which is your mind, and your pleasure capacity, which we dive into with Gateway X. And it has one primary job to keep you safe by keeping you in the familiar. Right. We've talked before about how your nervous system has a thermostat for income. I'm sure everybody listening has probably heard that story a lot, but it also has a thermostat for pleasure, intimacy, and aliveness. And here's the critical insight that a lot of people don't know. I didn't know. Your nervous system does not differentiate between the threat of a new level of income, which again is kind of the thermostat, and the threat, quote unquote, of a new level of intimacy or pleasure. It just registers a deviation from the familiar baseline and tries to pull you back to what it knows as quote unquote safe. This is why the entrepreneur who procrastinates on a million-dollar opportunity is often the same person who can't relax into non-goal-oriented touch. It's the same protective mechanism at play. Our bodies are absolutely brilliant at keeping us in our identities. And if that identity is hardworking, productive, and slightly stressed, never heard that one before. Right. It will sabotage anything, a big financial win or a moment of deep surrendered pleasure that threatens to change that story. Any thoughts on that, Bart?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, it's so well. Like I agree. And that's the thing we can't afford to do, is just like I know a lot of a lot of the people that I've coached over the years, that's the one thing I talk about is the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And I've said that multiple times, but we wonder why this deal gets sabotaged and you know these other things happen to us or for us, whichever way you want to look at it. And I think it does happen for you. It's to wake you up to what were you really created for? Why can't you have a few minutes to yourself? What's so wrong about taking a walk in nature? What's so wrong with having desire? What's so wrong with, you know, those kind of things?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Okay, well, this brings every entrepreneur to a crossroads, a choice between two very different paths. The first path is the vicious cycle. This is the default path. This is the path of the single engine, which means you overfocus on mindset and work and you completely neglect your erotic energy. Your creative fuel depletes, life feels dull, and work becomes a drain. And in an attempt to fix this, what do we do? Double down on what you know. You try to achieve your way out of the emptiness. The result is inevitable. Burnout, disconnection from your partner and your purpose, and a hard plateau in your business. Yeah, let's talk about the awesome path. Yeah, let's do it. The virtuous cycle, the we playful out path. This is the path of the two engines. You intentionally cultivate your erotic energy by prioritizing things like non-goal-oriented pleasure, play, and deep connection. Your life force increases, making you feel more alive, creative, and inspired. This expanded energy naturally fuels a more expansive mindset. Your identity grows to include powerful and playful. Business then becomes an act of joyful creation, not a grind. The result is sustainable scaling, passionate partnership, and a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and that's what I love about like take 15, 30 minutes of work, then take 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Stretch your body, do all that. We know that's the way the mind, the body, if you've done any mind work, we know that the mind can only take that much, anyways. Take that 10-minute block right there, send a text to your wife. That's amazing. Get out, feel fresh air. You know, do something that is alive. Take your guitar to work, play a little bit of music. I mean, go put your makeup on, freshen it up, just look at yourself and think, how amazing am I? How beautiful am I? You know, whatever it might be, go lift a few weights. Do something that just alivens you in your body and your soul.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yes, and yes. We're gonna talk about three more things that you can do just daily. Put them on your checklist, whatever you need to do with your logical brain to make them happen. Yeah. I like to call it a playbook to fuel both engines.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's go.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Again, I said checklist, but it's not actually about adding more to your to-do list. It's about integrating these two engines so they work in harmony. So, first one state change ritual. Create a non-negotiable 10-minute transition between your CEO mindset and your partner lover presence. And it's funny that you just said 10 minutes because this is 10 minutes. Um, this can be like when you walk through the door at the end of the day, or if you work from home, there's a certain maybe you're leaving your office, but you're crossing a threshold. For those 10 minutes, there are no phones and no business talk. It could be specific music, which is awesome at changing states, a short meditation, or simply taking 10 deep breaths while making eye contact with your partner. The goal is to consciously and deliberately switch your energetic state.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and I think there was a show that my kids had me watch where there was this you went to this company when you walk through this certain door, boom, you lost all your memory of everything else. You went to work, boom. You lost your memory when you walked out, and you're back in this world. And that's what we're talking about right now. Severance. Severance. If you haven't watched that show, okay, there you go. Severance. But that's the theory of what we're talking about exactly here. Another one that you can do is um is literally go change your clothes.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because when you change your clothes and you change into your family outfits, let's just say, that also gives a trigger to the body and the mind. I am doing something new. So, like you wouldn't wear your business suit to go play pickleball. Yet we don't think about that when we go back home in this 10-minute state of change, is what do I need to do to recalibrate? And one of those simple things can be literally just go in, change your outfit, go take just whatever it takes, right? Run around the house, do whatever, but even take a different briefcase. Do something that just stops that moment and says, No, I'm entering into the different identity, and this is what I am going to do to be able to bring out this side of me that I need to live.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that. Love it. Okay, another one is to schedule input before output. So before you do your most important creative or strategic work, which we'll call output, schedule one act of pure non-productive pleasure input. That can be hard for some reason. If our brains are going. Yeah, so good. Okay, last one. Weekly energy audit with your partner. So go beyond the logistics of who's picking up the kids. This is a weekly check-in to ask two simple questions. Where did we feel most connected and alive this week? And where did we feel the most disconnected or drained? This isn't about fixing problems in the moment. It's about bringing awareness to the energetic dynamics in your relationship, which are a direct reflection of the creative fuel available for your life and business. Basically, it makes the invisible visible.

SPEAKER_01:

So good.

SPEAKER_00:

So stop trying to scale your business with a half-dead battery. It's hard. The path to your next level isn't just in your head, it's in your body, it's in your connection, it's in your willingness to feel fully and apologetically alive. That is how you truly playful out.

SPEAKER_01:

Woo! What a great podcast. Way to go. So good. All right, you guys would love it if you could pass this on to anybody else. It would mean the world to Sonny and I. And uh, we would like to help you and support you as the listener. So if there's anything you want to hear more about, please message us and let us know. We need our tribe, our community, and changing the way we are today. And this segment brought to you by I Do Epic.

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Bart Miller

Host
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Sunny Miller

Host