We Play Full Out with Bart and Sunny

When Success Costs Intimacy: The Hidden Struggle of Entrepreneur Couples

• Bart and Sunny Miller • Season 1 • Episode 90

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What happens when your business starts acting like the mistress? You give her your late nights, your best energy, your obsession… and meanwhile your partner gets the leftovers. Sound familiar?

In this episode, we get real about how entrepreneurs accidentally seduce their business more than their spouse, and what to do about it. From the applause and ego strokes at work to the pushback and accountability at home, we’ll break down why it’s easier to pour yourself into the office than into your relationship.

And more importantly, we’ll show you how to flip it — how to take the same spark, strategy, and magnetic energy that makes you unstoppable in business, and use it to seduce your partner back to center. Because you can scale another business, but you can’t outsource intimacy.

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SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to We Play Full Out with Barton Sonny Miller. Take it away, Sonny.

SPEAKER_00:

When your business becomes the mistress, today we're going to be talking about entrepreneurs, intimacy, and the other love affair.

SPEAKER_01:

Ooh, this is a deep, dark love affair. You see me already. Holy cow. Let's go down this.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, I'm going to give you a fun little analogy to begin.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Bart, picture this.

SPEAKER_01:

Fantasy.

SPEAKER_00:

Fantasy. The perfect lover walks into your life and she's all yours. This isn't me. Picture someone else, please. Just kidding. She looks exactly how you want her to look and dresses like she's ready to devour you at any moment. She laughs at your jokes. She celebrates your wins, and she never argues with you. Damn. She's available anytime you want her, whether you are in the mood for some playful flirting or a deep late-night heart-to-heart. She fuels your ego, strokes your ambition, and makes you feel unstoppable and alive.

SPEAKER_01:

I love my business.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Here's the kicker. She lives right inside your office, right? You just gave it away.

SPEAKER_01:

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00:

Her name is Your Business.

SPEAKER_01:

So good and so flirty.

SPEAKER_00:

It is. But here's the problem.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

While you're swept away in this intoxicating love affair, there's someone else at home, your real partner, watching you pour your best energy, creativity, and passion into this other relationship. Your business becomes the mistress. She gets the late nights, the long gazes, the endless attention, while your marriage gets the leftovers. And before you know it, the very thing you built to give your family freedom and love starts stealing it away. Have you seen this in any of the people that you've coached or have talked to? Or why are we bringing this up today?

SPEAKER_01:

Let me be honest with you. I've seen it in my own life. I mean, let's be let's go all ten fingers point at me. And then the answer to this is I've seen this so many times, and I can see it so innocently. Like, and I can see it from so many angles because I've heard it from so many angles, but I think it's something that's really, really critically important to talk about because we don't want this to happen. I don't think anybody starts their intentions with this happening, but it does.

SPEAKER_00:

It does happen. And I could say fingers pointing at me too. Like we're kind of using the the, you know, the girl is the analogy or whatever. But I find too, like I can get very caught up in work and it takes all my energy and focus and drive. And by the time day is over, yeah, I've got nothing left.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and I mean, let's let's just add social media on top of that. Let's add a few other things. And all of a sudden, it's easy. Like, I mean, we all know that the growth gaps out there. And if you guys don't, I'm not gonna say much more about it. But I mean, there's so many ways to just be fulfilled today and not put your your energy into the one thing that you truly, truly, truly started off wanting and desiring.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I was watching a show recently, actually, and the guy was like, This is my new girlfriend, she totally gets me. And the guy looking over his shoulder is like, dude, that's a bot.

SPEAKER_01:

Right?

SPEAKER_00:

He's like, Oh. So good. Um, so when an entrepreneur launches a business and we're gonna use he for simplicity, again applies either way, it's natural for all of the energy, creativity, problem solving, and time to be funneled into making it succeed.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

It is a huge undertaking.

SPEAKER_01:

It is.

SPEAKER_00:

The focus and dedication, obviously, it takes to get a business off the ground is monumental. Um, money, especially extra money, is going to be poured into software, courses, mentors, and high-end masterminds, all with the notable goal of growing, scaling, and ultimately providing an amazing life for both him and his family. Yep. That's what we find on our calls all of the time with our IDU Epic calls is like the big why is always I want to provide an amazing life for my family.

SPEAKER_01:

Or resources for somebody else.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

But I'm just saying, like, people want to go on vacations, they want to create experiences, they want to create memories, and like it takes money to do that.

SPEAKER_01:

Totally. Yep. You can't, like I say, you can't fault anybody for any of this so far.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. But then something kind of starts to shift, and it's usually pretty quiet in this shift that happens. Once that business starts doing well and recognition begins to roll in, the business itself begins to meet intimate needs. He may not be getting at home. Or she, like we said. Yep. Yeah, one using he for simplicity. Yep. Suddenly people are flocking to be in his presence. Some even pay to be in his presence. They hang on every word, they give him the nods, the applause, the respect. He really doesn't get any pushback because he's making all the calls, he's signing all the checks, he gets awards, he makes money, he's in control. In this world of his own making, he is admired, respected, and fulfilled. Yep. Anything else you want to say about that?

SPEAKER_01:

No, I I think, you know, and like I said, I I want to talk about at some point, and I'm not sure exactly where, is how this starts to creep in and then how you should address it so that it doesn't get this extreme. But the answer is 100%.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, let's talk about it right now. How does it start to creep in?

SPEAKER_01:

So I think a lot of times when we're developing companies, we uh one of us takes a role of, hey, you're gonna do this part, which is manage all this house, do this, do that. I'm gonna take this and go after it.

SPEAKER_00:

That's that's you're talking like in a life partnership or a marriage situation, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, and so in that though, what we don't do is have really good check-ins on, hey, significant other. By the way, the business is right here. This is the stress, this is what we're doing. Are you on board or do you get this? Or, you know, how much do you I guess what I'm saying is is involve them in the process of all this. Okay. And then all of a sudden it goes further down the road and it's like, you know, I don't let's say the significant other's like, I'm so busy at home, I don't really need to know, which in my opinion is a big mistake because they're not involved in any way, shape, or form of all these things that are happening. Because it can be overwhelming, and vice versa, the other person's not involved in the other things that are happening around the house. This, that all they see is, why did you buy this much and groceries this much when we needed it over here? Or why did you do this, or why did you do that? Not understanding all of that aspect of it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's a tough spot to be in because I feel like a lot of well, we'll go back to him for an example. Sure. Like wives don't understand business. Right. And so if you come home and try to explain things to me, I'm just gonna be giving you a blank stare. And it's like I'm trying to be maybe involved in that conversation, but it's really more than I can grasp. Right. And I wouldn't say that maybe for groceries and well, it is the same because if if you're not in the energy of the house every day and don't understand what it takes either, right, you might be giving me that same blank stare back.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. And and and when both affects everything at the beginning, right? Because finances in the business and where you're taking money and finances in the home are are both. And and so what happens is is a lot of times there's a budget allowed to the house. Yeah. And then there's there's a different budget and a different way that the business money works and things like that. Yeah. And they're not always um really well explained amongst the couple or talked about. And I'm just saying one of the safeties here is both of you need to be involved in this and at least have no less than a monthly check-in to where both parties sit down, explain it, tell everything that's going on, and really openly talk about where you're going. Because to me, this is growing together, not growing apart. And in the other scenarios, what happens is that we start to grow apart, not understanding that it's just little bitty steps that we're growing apart. And then all of a sudden it's like, whoa, wait a minute. This has got way further than I anticipated it to. It's sucking energy here, it's sucking energy here, and we're just having disconnects, but yet we don't understand the disconnects or how they started, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it does. And I don't know why, but when you first started talking about check-ins, I'm like, okay, so I have to explain why I'm spending money here or what I'm doing there, or you know, like justify myself, but that's really not the case.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, no, not at all.

SPEAKER_00:

It's more like let's just check in with each other and make sure we're still going the direction we want to go.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and and in both ways, right? Even me in the business, I might be buying things that you're like, hey, I what is it that you really need this for? Why, why are you doing this? Or why, you know, that it's really good for you to understand it no matter if you agree or disagree, and same in the household, right? And we both might get together and just be like, oh, it's all great, whatever, you know, we're fine. But at least you're having communications and you're seeing the actual number that's in the amount of the bank account at the business, or you're you're really seeing how much the business is really taking and how much time and energy, and you'll have more empathy for a lot of those things that you just may not have had any understanding for, because it's like, why are you spending 10 nights or you know, you got seven days in a week and seven nights you're spending at the office literally grinding on this thing? Like, but how do you know what you don't know? So it's like, okay, what what the hell is he really going through? Yeah. But if you do have an understanding of that and you go and you you dive into it, it's like, man, this is this is so much, and it helps in both ends. Because when he gets home, you know, and it's exhausted, you understand on a greater depth of what's going on versus just I didn't you had four dinners tonight this week, you know, and then you come home and you can't even take me to dinner. Well, those dinners, what were they? What really did happen there? You know what I mean? Just gives a way more insight, I think. Not to spend a lot of time.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's really good. Um, sometimes in this situation, though, where we were just talking, yeah, you're in a world of your own making, you're admired, respected, and fulfilled. Yep. And it's a little bit different because you want to give more time and attention to that.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

I agree with where you're just where that's where the shift is happening here, where we're talking about.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and I'm saying so that it doesn't happen. Exactly. That's all I was trying to pre-game. But once you're there and a lot, a lot of us get there, that's what I'm saying. We get there regardless. So let's keep going with where the analogy is. Yeah, is that I've got there. Now all of a sudden, people are sending me gifts. Now all of a sudden I'm being invited to certain things to speak at. Now all of a sudden, you know, there's a little extra money that I can quote unquote spend on myself on a nicer car, things to make myself look good. Yeah. A watch that I want, things to that nature.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. Um, so again, we're in this world, but then you walk in the front door and at home you're no longer in control. Yeah. Right? Yeah. The rules are completely different. Again, we're using he here. His wife is not impressed that he just stepped off a stage or closed a deal. And I don't want that to sound like she doesn't care. Right. Because she does. Yeah. But what she really cares about is how are you showing up for my kids right now?

SPEAKER_01:

Or how are you showing up for me?

SPEAKER_00:

How are you showing up for me? And unlike the business, she isn't afraid to push back. She'll call out flaws and she'll let you know where you're falling short in the home.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So and still have you take out the garbage.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. It's like, oh, you just uh closed a million-dollar deal, but the trash needs taken out. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Totally.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's where the collision happens. The business gives him unconditional admiration. The home gives him accountability. Business feeds ego. Home demands presence. One feels effortless, the other starts to feel heavy. Because you're not as admired there. You have to show up. You have to be show up differently, I guess. And without realizing it, he starts spending more and more time and energy with the mistress, which is the business, because she never nags, never complains, and always rewards him with another hit of significance and control.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

The problem is when your business becomes your mistress, your marriage will eventually feel like a side piece. And that's a trade no entrepreneur really wants to make because you can scale another business, but you cannot outsource intimacy.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep. Right. Well, I guess you could. Don't advise me.

SPEAKER_00:

Is it true intimacy though? 100%. And you can outsource sex.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, there you go. Good way to put it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Um, so you have a really, really amazing way of helping people rebalance themselves when they find this situation. A lot of times it's like marriage is not doing good at this point.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Most of the time when it when it comes to me in these scenarios, it's like, hey man, I absolutely love my significant other. And let's be clear, I've had men and women. I love them to death. But right now we're on the brink of the biggest collision we've ever had, and I don't want that. So what I have them do is I have them kind of lay this out. Number one is I have them write down on a piece of paper all the things that they love about their business and all the things that the business basically fulfills for them in their life. And then I have them write around, write all the things that they don't like about the business and all the things that the business causes them anxiety or stresses. Then I have them write that out personally for themselves. What are the things that I love about myself and what are the things I really don't like about myself? Then I have them write everything out about their significant other. What do you love about your significant other and what don't you like about your significant other that causes you all these problems? Then I have them come back the next time after they've gone through this exercise, and then I sit down with them and I say, okay, now if we were to clear the script, you know, there's there's absolutely wipe it all out. We would have to burn all of this, and it would have to be destroyed today, all gone, start a new start, right? We're not quite there yet. But so then what I do is is I go, okay, now I want you to look at your significant other, and I want you to look at your business. And we kind of go through all the things they like, they don't like, da da da da da da. And then I turn around and say, okay, now which one would you say is the most important? The business or your significant other? Because you're you're coming to me saying she's the most important. Now let's so if that is true, would you be willing to get rid of the entire business? And all of them go, but yeah, but my finances, I mean, they have all these, I go that's not my question. My question is for her, and 100% for her, if she asks you to shut down this business today, for her, would you do it? And that takes a lot of soul searching.

SPEAKER_00:

For sure.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, and it shouldn't, you know, like in some ways, but it does because it's fulfilling, it's doing all these things for both of you in one way, right? But then I say, okay, now yourself. Now this is in very interesting. Would you get rid of yourself over the business? And it's amazing how many people are like, Yeah, I would. Because they they're so beat themselves up so much of not being good in the relationship, and you know, they don't feel worthy, and all these things that just come up. It's amazing what it does emotionally for them. And then I say, Okay, look, now what I want you to think about is is if you wouldn't give up the business for her, let's reverse the roles now. Now put yourself, she is you and you are her. Now I come in and I say to her, Would you give this up for him? How much do you love him? Would you totally destroy this business for him? And she said, Hell no. Wouldn't even consider that because it does all this for all of us. You know, and I want you to deal with that emotion. And then they sit and go, geez, you know, that's that's that's different, right? It's a different perspective to look at. And then um we sit down and we and we do some anal analyzing between all of this, and I I ask him a few questions, and maybe you're gonna get to this, but I say, Okay, if we burn the script on all of this and we start over, not saying we have to get rid of the business, not saying we have to get rid of her, I'm not saying we're getting rid of you. But let's say we were gonna clean the slate, how would we go about this differently, right? And then I ask him, I say, How much have you invested in business coaching to get where you want today? How much have you invested in different marketing strategies, you know, all these different things to learn to be an operator within your business? And they come up with an amazing number, like almost all of them come with huge amounts of money. And then I asked the question, how much have you invested in your relationship coaching? And 99.9% of the time, it's zero. I didn't say therapy, right? I said relationship coaching in learning. And now when I say relationship coaching, that means to me like we're gonna be taking a Tantra course.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

We've done other courses, we've also hired other coaches to coach us, you know. Like I'm talking, what have you invested in to be able to be a master at relationship in your business and with your significant because they're they're all the same. I mean, people don't realize it at the beginning, but they're all the same. And so they instantly go, whoa, most of the time, I'm the first, right? And it's for them, and it's for they think for life coaching for them, which is gonna take care of all of it, which let's be clear, that's a good point to start at. Don't get me wrong. It's it's a very important when you have that aha moment that I've got to fix me first, not her, and there I'm gonna take the owner, I'm gonna take ownership of where this is at. So huge step, don't get me wrong. But that's the very first time that they've done that for the reason of the relationship. They didn't just go hire a life mastery coach for themselves to be better in business. They hired a coach to say, hey, look, I'm losing this part of me that I do not want to lose. Please help. That's that's their first reach out, right? So that's kind of the process of how I get them started. So if you're in this situation right now, or if you're feeling a lot of pain, that. And then we start to break down uh questions on, like, for example, and this is several down, probably my fourth or fifth call. We get into how well do you know this person that you're married to? And there's a lot of different tests that I have them take about themselves and about their significant other. And it's so fascinating how many humans do not know the love language of their significant other. They say they think they know, I kinda know, but they really truly don't know. They don't know their erotic blueprint, they have no idea how this person actually wants to be made love to. And what's interesting there too is they don't even know how they want to be made love to, which is fascinating, right? I was that 1,000%, right? 100% transparency, right? And so there's there's so much that we work through, but then they really realize how much their business has been their mistress, their escape, their everything, not because they wanted to run from problems, but because they just honestly didn't know the tools or how to get where they wanted to get.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so good. Um so you've kind of covered like if you do choose your partner, then the game becomes well, I'm saying this wrong, doesn't mean sacrificing your business. Right. I like to think of it as outseducing your own mistress by bringing the spark, the edge, and the obsession you pour into work and using it to seduce your partner back to center. Yeah, it's so already talked about a few examples. Do you want to talk about more? Do you want me to go where I'm thinking next?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, why don't you go ahead and then or unless you have one specific that you kind of want me to talk about, um happy to.

SPEAKER_00:

Um well, there's just there's more business examples such as date nights.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So if you're heading to an executive meeting, you're planning, you're preparing, you're dressing to the nines, you pick the perfect venue, you have a clear agenda and outcome in mind. Then when date night comes, it's just a box to check, and you just what do you guys want? What do you want to do tonight? You go do it and you go home and you maybe you have expectations, but you haven't shared them with your partner. Right. And then you're frustrated because your expectations didn't, you know, come forward.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and you and I have talked about this, and I coach everybody on dates with expectations. And people are like, what? That doesn't, that's not well. Look, when you're in high school, trust me, you architected the date like crazy. And let's be clear, you didn't say your expectation, but both people knew you had some sort of expectation. Now, and I don't mean it has to be an underlining, always a sexual expectation either. Like an expectation in date night can literally be an hour of we're not on our devices. That is our expectation together. Do you agree upon that expectation? Because I really truly want to have a conversation with no distractions. Expectations may be, hey Bart, you set it all up, you architect it all, you do everything. I'm just here for you to come pick me up and sweep me off my feet, or vice versa. That can be an expectation. An expectation can be we every fourth, you know, Saturday of the month, we are on date night. So that night is booked out, babysitters are booked, we're ready to go. That's expectation. But I can honestly tell you, the more expectations, just like in a business that you have and a you know, like set out things, the absolute more bliss you're gonna have.

SPEAKER_00:

So for Sonny and I, I would say just really quick, communicated expectations.

SPEAKER_01:

Correct. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, really good. And for Sunny and I, you know, a lot of ours is I plan one, she plans one. We would love to do like for us, role play, like fantasy type of things. Like I'm gonna pick her up somewhere and I'm gonna sweep her off her feed and go do something. And the reason that that's a good expectation for us is is all the weeks building up to it, we're playing with that expectation. So it gives us something to okay, so it's gonna be New York themed, just so you know, Sonny. And so all of a sudden it's like, oh my gosh, okay, what do I gotta have for you know an outfit and what do I want to show up for? And what does that mean? And you know, all these kind of things. And then we start to build anticipation for that night, if that makes sense. So if you can kind of set up some of those expectations, you can actually build a lot of energy towards it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I love that. Okay, just a couple others, just real quick before we go on to the next part, but vision boards.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

A lot of options. But they do not have one for their partner and their family life.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, and and specifically for their partner and them.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because what's interesting, and and we're right there, I mean, we've got one more child at home, and then it's just us. Yep. And boy, then do the game really changes, right? Because then we have to want to be together in so many different directions.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, and I think that's also fascinating. But if we have that full vision board, it sure makes it a lot of fun because a lot to build with how we want to be together.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, for sure. Okay, so today we were talking through this with one of our good friends, and she was playing devil's advocate with us.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think this is really important to bring out. So, cause it's just relatable. Um, entrepreneur comes home, been making money all day, putting all that energy out there, exhausted, comes home, wife is mad, partner's mad, whatever. And it's like, why do I have to be the one to fix this? Like, why can't it be you? Because I'm already doing everything. And what would you say to that?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I I and this is how I rebuttal that is that, you know, thank you first and foremost. And I can see it from your lens on how you're exhausted. But can I ask you a question? And then they'll say, Yeah, you know, what's the question? How much do you know about what I want?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Maybe I don't want the same dream that you have right now, but you think I do. And here's the thing that happens in a lot of these conversations is is let's say that Sonny, you know, said that to me. Hey, I'm making all the money, I'm doing all these things, I'm busting my butt, I'm not sleeping, I'm on an airplane all the time. I'm getting yelled at you've got money in the bank, you're able to have a nice car, you you know, you can do these things, you can start a business if you want to. Like, what the heck more do you expect from me? But what if we hadn't communicated on what my expectations really are? So she has this all made up on what she thinks my expectations are, but that's not reality for me. That's not reality for me, right? My reality might be I don't care if we have a million dollars in the bank. I don't care that I have this car, I don't care about this and that and the other. All I care about is our connection. Now, if you can do all that and keep that connection, let's talk about it. But I'm feeling dis now here's the key word, disassociated from you. I'm feeling unsafe. I'm feeling whatever it might be, right? But see, even though we look like we're trying to be the hero, and we are, we're really saying it's all about me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Not about you. I'm not coming into the conversation saying, and that's why I started the conversation when Sonny said that, thank you, and I appreciate that you see it that way. But do you really understand how I see it and what I'm feeling? Because when somebody attacks you with, I'm doing this, I'm doing that, what the what more do you want? I, I, I, it's not, hey, you know what? Maybe I'm not dating you like I should. Maybe I'm not you know what I mean? Like, yeah, hey, thanks for bringing this to my attention, but obviously you're bringing it to my attention because we're not connected, or something's off, or something else is happening in your life that I'm not recognizing. And I was coaching, uh this has been a few years ago, I was coaching a couple, and the significant other in this scenario had been hiding that they were actually dying. And had been yeah, you'll remember this when I when I I'll refresh your memory of who it was. But they had a they had been very sick and they'd been going to the doctor and trying to do all this behind the other person's back, and all of a sudden they died of a heart attack.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Of overwhelm. Yeah. And they were literally doing all these things, and they were trying to do it in the best way ever, but the other person had no clue because they weren't involved in all these things, and they were so and that they were an amazing couple. And man, I love this couple. But this person passed away because they were hiding. Can you im I mean I don't I some of you may be able to imagine this, but they were so disconnected for so long. They were hiding the medications they were on, the doctors they were going to, all the things because they couldn't communicate. That so come home, do all that, and then all of a sudden, in what if I all of a sudden said to Sonny, Yeah, you know, probably you don't understand that. We've only got three months left. And she'd be like, What? Yeah, I've been going to the doctors, I've been doing all these things, I've been I just didn't want to tell you because you you had so much going on. You have all these business trips, you're well, you should have told me. I've been telling you along the way, but you're just so disconnected from me because you're so into this other business. Now, I tell you that because that's a real story.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a true story.

SPEAKER_00:

So yes, for sure. Um I think one of the things we do is get defensive, you know. So it's like I'm doing this, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, is probably a lot of I know I'm not connecting with you, but I'm going to get defensive and use the business in this way. Yeah. To just like protect myself, I guess, against what I'm seeing inside. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I think in that situation too, like that person um maybe felt like they were the ones that needed to carry it all because well, how many women feel like they need to carry it all?

SPEAKER_01:

How many men feel like they need to carry it all? I mean, that's part of nature when you're when you're growing and you're trying to build. Let's be clear, you know. I mean, we do this a lot, and we and that's why we should have a significant other that we don't have to carry it all and we can we can actually communicate. Because the the number one person we lie to is ourselves, yeah, and the second one is our significant other.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, which is crazy, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01:

Because we don't want to put the burden. Burden on, or we don't want to. But let's be real. That's why we married each other.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Or that's why we got into partnership.

SPEAKER_00:

That's why we're in the relationship, is so that we can have somebody on our side and have our backs and be with us through all the the hard times and the good, of course.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's for some reason we want to shield or block or pretend like life is better than it is.

SPEAKER_01:

100%.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. Maybe because we feel like we'll blow up what we think is the good part of our life if we do.

SPEAKER_01:

Maybe our only part of our life.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Okay. Truth is, we're going to talk about seduction because we're seducing our partner back to center, right? Because at this point, if you've been absent for a while, your partner probably isn't going to melt into your arms overnight like you would wish they would. Uh, the more neglected they felt, the more pushback you may face at first. And they might test you to see if you're serious or assume this is just another phase you'll drop when work gets busy again. Um, but the important thing to keep in mind is that that resistance isn't rejection, it's self-protection.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Right? They're waiting to feel safe again. Safety, safety, safety.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

We're gonna do a whole nother podcast on that.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh. I I'll tell you, coming back from Sweden, that's my biggest takeaway is how unsafe humans feel in life.

SPEAKER_00:

The big epiphany for me recently is just how hardwired we are for safety.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So it's not something we can avoid. Right. But it's affecting like our entire lives.

SPEAKER_01:

It's your nervous system issue.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

If you got a nervous issue, it's a nervous system issue, it honestly comes down to safety.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. So pushback means they still care enough to want the real you. So that's a good sign. If they if they don't care anymore, you're in a little tougher situation.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But if you stay consistent by bringing playful energy, showing up with curiosity instead of defensiveness, I know this can be hard, and proving with action that they matter, safety does return. And once that that's there, then you can have some some fun seduction flowing again. Um, while it's come down, fire reignites, and intimacy is going to outlast any business win for you. Um yeah, I think that's is there anything else you want to add to that?

SPEAKER_01:

No, I just want to really just uh reach out to all entrepreneurs here and just tell you that, you know, this can be a slow thing, this can be a fast thing. There's a lot to communicate here. And I guarantee you, sometimes when we hear this, even inside of us, we're like, rah, I mean, it brings up a lot of like oh, inside. Don't let that happen. Understand that it's all the journey, but if you don't have a coach or somebody that's helping you, get one because it's so like it's so nice to be able to have a perspective, but you don't want a coach that's just gonna be like, you know, like a lot of the people I coach, they're like, no one does this to us, but it gives us so much good insight, and I want this so bad, you know. But that's what you want. You want somebody that's gonna be real with you, like real, and say, you didn't do this intentionally, but you did it. Yeah. So take ownership of it. Well, that's what I can say or whatever it is. Yeah. And let's just let's just deal with it. Because when we deal with it the right way, everybody's like, okay, I can forgive. Now, like Sunny said, I may test you a couple times to really prove you're doing it.

SPEAKER_00:

But at the end of the day, you've been hurt enough that you're like, no, I'm not gonna go there yet.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. But at the end of the day, you can make some dramatic, dramatic moves in your life. And I think a lot of you know that Sunny and I have got our first, one of our, not our first, but one of our couples' retreats coming up. And we're gonna be doing more couples' retreats. And one of the greatest ways, if you want to change and revolutionize your business, is by coming to one of these couples' retreats. Because when we go through this, we we literally anchor it to how this also affects your business. So not only are you getting business knowledge, you're getting relationship and partnership knowledge that is priceless. And when your significant other won't go to any other business thing, they may come to this and this connects you like you've never been connected before.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I don't know if that completely makes sense in your brain yet, but just a quick example would be um like a certain way you treat your spouse or your significant other really does spill out in how you're treating people at work. Like, I don't know. Yeah, I want to shine more of a light on that.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah, here's your good example. So I coach another uh human being that is an absolute love language of gifts, and how he shows love is also through gifts because that's his love language, right? And so in business, always sending gifts, always doing all these things, giving gifts to his significant other, things like that. But in his company, some of the people there are like it's just another thing. Because it's not their love language. So he's thinking that he's got his staff, man. I gave him all these new blankety blank, they should be on the high, but they're not on a high. What is going on? Well, that's not their love language, that's just a gift to them.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's like And then you can turn around and be like, What's your wife's love language? And are you doing the same thing there? And that's not hers.

SPEAKER_01:

Totally, you know, that's right. And then here's people in your office showing you love by maybe doing service, acts of service to you. Like you've never had somebody serve you so well, and you're like, This person never ever shows me love. And I know you don't think you need that in business, but you do, right? And when you're when you're there, so then all of a sudden they feel bad because you're not recognizing how much they're showing you love or respect, if you want to call it respect for a better word, in that term, and and you're just overlooking it all because you just expect that to be just that's just normal when it's not normal. So we all show love to the people we're around in the way that we want to be shown love. So that's your first cue to figure your love language out. But secondly, is not everybody's gonna show you back love in the way that your love language is, and you've got to be observant of that, recognize it, and then all of a sudden it changes the game in your business, but it also changes the game in your relationship. The way you do one thing is the way everything happens. So that's just one example of one thing that we teach at our relationships, retreats, couples retreats, that instantly is like, how do you show love? Boom, we all talk about it. Then all of a sudden it's like, What? Oh my gosh, Jack at the office has been sending me gifts for months, does all these nice things for me. Oh man, I missed it. And I was so frustrated with him as an employee.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. And that's just surface level.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like we're gonna go. I mean, be clear, that's a great example, but yeah, uh, the things we're gonna touch on and hit on. Um we're absolutely amazed how your relationship with your your partner, and including your intimate relationship, is how you're showing up in business.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's no joke. Yeah, and that's why for us, we've seen it in our own business. That's why it's all coming to us now. We're being we're getting all these downloads around oh man, here's this, here's this. Put the puzzle pieces of the puzzle together, everything changes, right? So good. Um, so thank you guys for listening to this podcast today. We are so grateful for it. If this has been powerful for you, our biggest ask is please just pass it on to one other person and let them listen to it. We would love your feedback. A lot of you guys last week. Thank you. Tons of texts, tons of messages on the um gamification. Are you a player? Yeah. Are you a player or are you an NPC, which was so good? So thank you for that. And Sunny and I are honored that you even take the time to listen to this, and we'll wrap this segment up by this segment sponsored by I Do Epic.

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Bart Miller

Host
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Sunny Miller

Host