We Play Full Out with Bart and Sunny

What To Do When Setbacks Knock You Emotionally Off Balance... and Style Doesn't Trump Energy

• Bart and Sunny Miller • Season 1 • Episode 45

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Welcome to this week's episode of We Play Full Out with Bart and Sunny!

This week we enjoyed some discussions around emotional setbacks and energetic states.

What To Do When Setbacks Knock You Emotionally Off Balance...
When you are in the trenches, endeavoring to do something great you are always going to have setbacks. BIG ONES. How you cope with them is the difference between becoming a winner and reaching those big dreams and goals. Setbacks knock you emotionally off balance - so how do you reach beyond it and keep going?

We share a true story about Kobe Bryant - how he handled a huge disappointment and setback in his career and how we can do the same! 

Style Doesn't Trump Energy!
Energetic states are something we should all be aware of.  Often we think our style is what portrays us to the outside world - and let's be clear, a picture is worth a thousand words so how you show up does matter. BUT whether you are approachable or not, how you show authority, and whether you are a charismatic magnet for people is more about the energy you are giving off. 

This also applies to every day scenarios. Learn how we reset our energy or keep it high so we can play full out at whatever we are doing in a positive way! 

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Bart:

Welcome to. We Play Full Out with Bart and Sunny Miller. Take it away, Sunny.

Sunny:

Thank you, bart. I'm starting with a really fun story today. Let's go. I like fun stories, all right. So imagine this Okay, you ready? Yep, you're the youngest up-and-coming star in basketball. It's your first year in the professional league and your team makes the playoffs. All eyes are on you, as you're the young superstar. In the last minute of the game, you have three shots to win the game for your team, and you miss all three. At the end of the game, the television commentators are all discussing how astounded they are that you missed all three shots. Now, in the meantime, you've wandered over to the bench, you've sat down, you've got your head bowed, fingers locked behind your head, and you look completely defeated. The commenters are all now buzzing on about how you must be feeling absolutely dreadful, like you had the chance to win and you didn't do it. When you come off the court, though, you're interviewed and they say you had your head down and your hands behind your head. You must have felt terrible. Where would you go from here? What would you say?

Bart:

Well, a million things go through my head because I remember wanting to be michael jordan and you know all the pressure and all the things, and you know I mean there's multiple ways. I, until you're there, you don't know. But I mean, if I went more naturally it'd be like, yeah, that was really a sucky deal. But I can also see it as like, can you believe where I came, came from, like no, I'm stoked, like to have that opportunity in my life and, being this young in my career, I can only go up versus going down, you know. So, like I want to say that's where I would be, but I don't know until I was there, you know.

Sunny:

I know I was even thinking about it from a team perspective, cause, like when I let myself down, it's one thing but, it's like your whole team was relying on you. Yeah, that's even worse, in my opinion.

Bart:

Yeah, it can be, depending on your team.

Sunny:

All right. Well, here's what Kobe Bryant did.

Bart:

Okay.

Sunny:

This is a true story about Kobe Bryant.

Bart:

All right, let's go.

Sunny:

He said what's feeling got to do with it. He said I was working out why I missed those shots. I now know why I missed those shots and I can do something about it.

Bart:

So good.

Sunny:

And it just once again. This theme has, like, been through several of our newsletters, but it just reminds me of making it a game. It's like I'm just leveling up. There is nothing to be discouraged about. Now I know how to crack the next code.

Bart:

Yeah, and boy, with that perspective, you don't go sit, stew about it, knock things down, break the locker, do this, do that. You literally go to the gym and you're like, bam, bam, bam, okay, I'm back, baby, and next game, watch out.

Sunny:

Yeah, yeah, and my understanding is he did go on and fix the problem, obviously, and then didn't happen again. But when you're in the trenches endeavoring to do something great, guess what? You're always going to have setbacks big ones, not just little ones and how you cope with them is the difference between becoming a winner and reaching those big dreams and goals, because setbacks normally do knock us emotionally off balance. But you've got to reach beyond the emotion to get to the following questions why did I have that setback, what can I learn from it and how am I going to avoid it in the future Once again, just leveling up and go on?

Bart:

Yep, if you're not in the game, it's hard to improve.

Sunny:

It really is. You got to stay in the game.

Bart:

Got to be in the game Like you can practice all day long. There's a big difference in practicing and being in the game.

Sunny:

You know you can run those scenarios all day long, but when you're in the game, it's a big difference. It's a big difference to practice, to practice or to practice to perform Huge difference. Alrighty, then, that was good right.

Bart:

Really good. So good, especially on what we've been talking about lately.

Sunny:

Well, and it could be such a pivotal key moment too, like if he didn't have that mindset, it could have just destroyed his whole career.

Bart:

Well, that's true, it really could have, and it could have destroyed a lot of things around him. So, yeah, that's good and you can spend a lot of time on that.

Sunny:

Yeah, well, we're going. Ooh. So our magnetic crew hit the big town of Las Vegas last week and there were definitely some top secret style training happening within the walls of Ricky's hidden room inside the Maceo Well, inside Maceo, which is in the Aria Right, a huge lightning bolt could have come right out of the ceiling and shocked us all with the epiphanies that were had in there, and it was you who guided us through the nuances of the energetic state that we're in, regardless of what we are wearing.

Bart:

Yep.

Sunny:

And now we often think that whatever we have on will portray what we want it to about us, but that isn't always the case, it's true. So we kind of went to feminine energy and a question was raised, I think you asked how would you describe someone who is in her feminine energy, or what does feminine mean to you? And the answer was more along the lines of all dressed up, maybe some sexy clothes, but makeup and hair done like full womanly, you know, I guess, in that regard, but you contradicted that. Would you like to share?

Bart:

Yeah, I'd love to share. So, first and foremost, I just want to say a picture is worth a thousand words. So the first thing you wear out right is a great picture, but that doesn't express everything that's going on. And so, as I was going through this with an amazing human being, she wanted to look really feminine and I thought it was so awesome and she had the body to do it. She had the everything right. But as I chatted and went through this, I just wanted to make sure that she understood that clothing wouldn't make her feminine right. And so, as I talked to her and I learned her her background of her dad being in the military she was in the military, all these different things. She'd really lived a masculine life in a lot of ways.

Sunny:

And I think even to the point where maybe being feminine was looked at as being weaker and not um an ideal place to be.

Bart:

Exactly. Yet as a woman, she wanted to be able to be attractive and this, that and the other and all the things which she should for sure. And so as I, as I approached her and talked to her about this, I really proved to her by doing certain things that she was in her masculine energy versus her feminine energy. But once she understood what her feminine energy was and what a superpower it was, and how to tap into it, how it unlocks everything, and really the truth of the matter is is I can dress a girl in some of the most baggy clothes, all the things, but if she knows how to turn on her feminine energy, she'll attract every man in the room and I can put some woman in the most gorgeous, knock-dead gorgeous fit her body, absolutely perfectly. But if she's in her masculine energy or F-U energy, nobody will even approach her.

Bart:

And I have faced this in my life so much. That's why I can recognize it and I understand it, because I've been working on my personal energy now for over two years to try to fix a lot of things that I didn't realize my energy was portraying, not my words, and therefore it was repelling me even when I didn't mean it, or that's not who I really was and so I knew that she had this amazing, beautiful feminine energy and she wanted to portray it. She just didn't know how or why it was stopping her, and she thought maybe clothes would fix that. And a lot of us do right, because it's like it should. I mean, you know what I'm saying, but it doesn't. And so it's very, very powerful to understand the energetic states and what you're doing and how to tap into those energies. Then, with the clothing Power, watch out.

Sunny:

Yeah, and to take that even a little further, because you said you've been working on yours, it can translate into all different kinds of scenarios. So even in your relationship or your partnership, or even with your kids, or whatever, the words you're saying aren't as powerful as the energy behind them.

Bart:

Yeah, and we all know you've read the stories about, and I think there's and I think there's even a book on this. You know you can tell somebody to go go to hell Right, give you a hug and love you and cry with you.

Sunny:

Because you have so much love and intention behind it Right.

Bart:

The energy behind the words are different than the words, even though they're being said, and so we all know this, we've all seen it, but we don't all sit back and say, seen it? But we don't all sit back and say, whoa, wait a minute. You're here to tell me that my energy is what portrays my body language. You're here. You know. We study body language forever. Study it all you want, but if your energy isn't right, your body will not go to the body language that you want it to go to.

Sunny:

Well, unless you're being intentional about changing your energetic state using your body.

Bart:

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Sunny:

But if you're not, then it's going to follow.

Bart:

That's what I'm saying. If you're in a bad energy, your body and your body language is going to follow that. So the fastest way to learn body language is learn how to regulate your energy. Now, one of the ways you can do that is by using your body to help you get into the states for sure.

Sunny:

Okay, awesome. So yeah, maybe as you go throughout this weekend or this next week and you're maybe frustrated over some chaos you're causing or you know you're not showing up the way. You want to just be aware, like what is my energetic state right now and what, what's that bringing to my communication and what I'm trying to say to people.

Bart:

Yeah, and that's why, before any one of my my calls, I reset my energy, because if you don't reset your energy, I could have a previous call that maybe didn't go where I wanted it to, you know, threw me for a loop.

Sunny:

Whatever it might be, if I'm not careful I'll bring that into the next call, and then it compounds when it's nobody's fault which I think is probably common on a day-to-day basis if we're not intentionally resetting ourselves because, you know, I just picture somebody coming home from work, or maybe I'm here in my office and I'm in a bad energetic state and Xander walks in and he may get that.

Bart:

Yeah, exactly. And then we regret that, but really what it did, it wasn't that situation. Yeah, exactly when we look back, it was a situation before that, compounded with this with that, that boom, the blow up happens that person gets it all when reality is they didn't deserve it.

Sunny:

Yeah, and speaking of energetic states and, and, I guess, chain, I don't know about changing it, but keeping it where you want to. It just reminded me of Annalie Waters. So if you don't know Annalie, she is a 17 year old pickleball pro, one of probably well, she is the best woman in the world on the court. But as we watched her play her singles matches, she would hype herself up. After every shot you would hear her say fight, fight, fight, be you, be you or or use it, use it, use it. But she was out there like audibly, we could all hear her saying these things to herself. So I think that was a powerful way for her to stay in the game but get some of maybe that energy out that she needed to and keep going where she wanted to go, so like that's also something we can think about.

Sunny:

It sounds like something that you do already on your coaching calls.

Bart:

You know, I never forget when I, when I first got into healing and when I mean healing rope and steers on the heel end of it, and I would go down the arena literally saying now now, now now now and people thought it was like the craziest thing, they'd be like shut up, but it got me into the timing and reset me.

Bart:

And then I would come in and, boom, do what I needed to do. And so I gave up on that because I felt the pressure of others. And it's just funny how we will do that because, audibly, if we're doing these things or resetting ourselves, it can be awkward or look different. But if you look at Tony Robbins, he literally goes and jumps on a bouncer. He does certain things before he ever steps on that stage and that's to reset his energy, because you don't know what just happened behind stage, you don't know what's going on in his life behind stage, you don't know all those things, but he knows to be as high high performing individual in that moment. He's got to reset his self to get to that level. And that's what we forget is we have to do the same thing.

Sunny:

Yeah, yeah, and that's a great story, and I think that's one of the things that.

Bart:

I admired about.

Sunny:

Annalie was that she wasn't afraid to just do it. I was like I. It would be awkward for me.

Bart:

Yeah.

Sunny:

So very cool. Okay, energy, let's go.

Bart:

Yeah, absolutely.

Sunny:

All right, so it's just some quick updates. I would say we talked about our Vegas pickleball, our concert and our shopping. The rest was FHL international and it was a good time.

Bart:

It was amazing time and if we break it all down, it was a very, very high energy time and to be present and to be all those things after that long and all the long nights and doing the things we did. Really kudos to us. We kept our energy high. We played full out, just like we're asking everybody else to, and we, uh, we had a lot of fun and a lot of great outcomes.

Sunny:

And you know, that's a actually something that I kind of connected to the dots on. But, um, as far as keeping our energy high and everything is something you always say is like we're here, why wouldn't we do all the things? And in my past I'd be like, well, I'm tired, Like I'm exhausted, I need sleep, I need this. But like I just kept hearing you in my mind Well, we're already in Vegas, We've got to take advantage of this time while we're here. And so I think we had very little sleep and we just kept going and it was everything we needed it to be.

Bart:

Amen Yep.

Sunny:

So then this week we jumped into I Do Epically Coaching Week, yeah, and once again can't shout out enough the amazing people that we get to take part of their lives in A hundred percent. Some amazing courses, programs, big things happening and it's just really inspiring to see it all it's so inspiring.

Bart:

And just our students to watch them be learners and implement and do this stuff. It's just fascinating. Keep their energy high.

Sunny:

Yeah, and I think this is like man they take action Amen.

Bart:

It's amazing Action takers are moneymakers. That's right.

Sunny:

And then Xander played in his first youth pickleball league last night and he crushed it. Yes, he did. It's so fun to watch him. He's on the advanced team and man, he got some shots in that. I was like whoo, really cool, like I had to stand at the net and keep score for all the players. So I was trying not to show bias, but man, when he got some good ones in, I'm sure my face showed it all.

Sunny:

And rightfully so Then our oldest daughter, mercedes, is still making candles like crazy. She's probably made about 4,000. She's still short, about 2,500, and her baby's due in about three weeks. So we're going to have little Lila in the family soon. Can we tell a story about grandpa? Sure, you tell it.

Bart:

So I was playing pickleball I think it was two nights ago and one of the young ladies that I was playing with said let's go grandpa. And there was a gentleman next to us that to me looked like a grandpa, so I wasn't like. I was like, okay, well.

Sunny:

You want to play with him? Yeah, I'm like, do you?

Bart:

want to play with him. She goes well. No, let's go, grandpa, and I'm like it's so weird, what are you doing? You want me to get off the court, so I look at her and she goes aren't you going to be a grandpa? And I'm like, yes, I am, let's go grandpa. And I was like reality check, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, okay, you're talking to me. Oh, okay, I got this. Okay, let's go Deep breaths. You just lost all my whole focus in the game, like all right, anyway, it was pretty funny.

Sunny:

Yeah, so awesome. All right, then I got to go enjoy a fun little jam session with my dad and my little sisters yesterday. I played the mandolin and my sisters played keyboards and bass, and of course my dad, the OG guitar guy, on guitar. So, just a special moment that I got to go enjoy with the family.

Bart:

Yep, and then you and I took a pickleball lesson.

Sunny:

Yes, we did Watch out world. I'm getting my drives, let's go.

Bart:

Hey, you know, if you're, if you're not being coached, you're not making progress. So you know we take it serious in every aspect of our life.

Sunny:

Yep, all right, anything else you can think of for the week?

Bart:

No, I don't think there's a lot. We got our little horse back, so we've got Rolex back with us, which is awesome. Nice to have him back. Now I can focus more, if I want, on my healing, cause he's right here in my own backyard versus going to get him, which is kind of cool. Also, uh, we have really focused on Sonny's birthday, which is tomorrow, which is going to be awesome, so super excited about that. Big shout out to her and happy birthday to her. Thank you, and uh. So if you get a second, you read this, wish her a happy birthday. Other than that, I think the big focus has been just, uh, getting through all the candle stuff, re-getting ourselves situated here at the house, getting ready for the baby to come and just enjoy some awesome weather before it changes too much more. We know what's coming.

Sunny:

Yes, I would say that after Las Vegas, the thing I was most excited about was being outside. We spent 99% of the time indoors in Vegas and I'm like I miss the air and the trees and the nice weather, All the things.

Bart:

So All right. Well, you guys have an awesome weekend and we're so grateful that you read and listen to the podcast. We hope that you will share it. There is a way to share it on here and we hope you do that. It really is the only way we can grow. This is by getting it out or sharing it out there, and eventually you're going to start hearing guests on here and we'll be interviewing them. Going through different things and playing full out is a bigger thing than we make it out to be. That is a big statement when you say you're willing to play full out in every aspect of your life, and we're out there to challenge you and push you to play full out. So this week's homework for you guys is energy, energetic states. Reset your energy, have fun with it, and if you learn something about your energy, even better. So with that, this segment's brought to you by. I Do Epic.

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Bart Miller

Host
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Sunny Miller

Host